Mike Bujtas

Eraser

2011-11-02T09:51:00.000-04:00

What kind of life do you lead... a "pencil" life or a "pen" life?

In my arrogance, I typically do crossword puzzles with an ink pen. Not because I'm really smart, but because I like to dare myself to be mistake-free. Inevitably, I always end up scratching out a letter or a word that I was just sure was correct that ends up being completely wrong. What I'm left with then is a grid with a bunch of swirled pen strokes and dark blotches all over the page. Really smart people use a pencil... you know... just in case. But even with a pencil, it never seems to erase everything. There always seems to be the faintest hint of what was on the page prior to putting an eraser to it. And then there are the little rolled up crumbs that come off the eraser that end up in your lap when you brush them off the page. Even with a pencil and eraser, there are subtle reminders that a mistake was made.

So I ask you again... which kind of life do you live? Do you feel like all that you've done in your life is permanent? Or does if feel like you can put an eraser to a few things and clean it up a little bit? Maybe you want a "pencil" life, but can't escape the guilty feelings that make you feel like your history has been written with a Sharpie. Maybe you do understand that mistakes can be erased, but you still see or feel all the little crumbs and faint lines that are nagging reminders of things you've done wrong.

I'd like to think of my life as more of an "Etch-a-Sketch" kind of life. You see, God writes most of His teachings in Sharpie. There's not much about God's Word that is conditional. I think that's by design, because human nature dictates that when there's wiggle room on an issue, we really wiggle. We tend to try to bend it to suit our immediate circumstances or absolve us of a particular transgression. But when it comes to God's record of what we've done wrong, we get to introduce the DEaS (that stands for Divine Etch-a-Sketch, in case you haven't been following along). You see, God doesn't scratch out our sins and failures with a pen, leaving all that ugly, blotchy mess as evidence of a transgression. And He doesn't simply put eraser to our lives and leave the ghost of an imprint and a crumby mess in our laps to deal with later. He puts both hands on us, shakes us up a little sometimes, flips us over sometimes, and offers us a clean slate. Mistakes are not just erased, but forgotten altogether. If we choose to hold on to our mistakes, it's not because He wants us to. He wants us to learn from them, lean on Him, and move on, making a better choice next time. He wants it to become our nature through practice to live the life He has planned for us... He doesn't want to hold up the paper and say "See? See all these mistakes you made?".

This type of life is not one that requires starting as a child. There are adult versions too. It's not a life that's reserved for people who were raised in a godly home by perfect parents. It's one of those things that is NOT conditional. It's for everyone, any time. It's never to late to drop the pen... never too late to start living a life that glorifies God and all He's done to erase our sins through Jesus Christ... never too late to see how full a clean slate can feel.

Peace,

Mike

Twice Removed

2011-09-19T20:13:00.000-04:00

I was recently asked if I'd be willing to talk with a group of 5th and 6th grade Sunday School students about Creation. There was no real script, no debate to be won or lost, just some open conversation about Creation and evolution to see what the kids had on their minds. Honestly, I was sort of curious about whether or not it WAS on their minds and whether or not it was something they could or would talk about.

I thought our discussion went very well. Sometimes having a serious conversation with children that age is like nailing Jell-O to a tree, but this group was fairly attentive and gave some honest, open answers about their ideas on Creation and evolution. I think we all gained something valuable from the conversation.

But what struck me was something I discovered about myself while reading some articles on how to speak to someone that subscribes to evolution as the origin of life in preparation for our group discussion. I read that many times, the person that does not believe in Creation also does not believe in God. That person many times bases their beliefs in "facts" and scientific data, or chooses to believe something that is based on nothing more than a feeling or lack thereof. That's where the trap is set for people like me. I've always been eager to accept the challenge of convincing someone I'm right about an idea while debating the topic on their terms. I've always thought it was more convincing to "win" on someone else's home court.

But look what that does....

Everything I believe starts with a belief in God. It's my faith in God that makes me whole and gives credibility to my beliefs. It's my belief that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, conveyed by the hands of men, that lends Truth to my story. If you are a believer in God, have you ever heard this?

"Okay... explain why Creation is the true story of how life began without using the Bible."

That sounds like a dare to me. And I'm a real sucker for a dare like that. So I've always started trying to debate my position while tiptoeing around what the Bible says. I've tried to think of really cool, discreet, subconscious ways to make my "opponent" come to the same conclusion I have.

Guess what.... That will never work.

I believe in God. The Bible is God's word. Creation is in the Bible. Creation is the origin of life.

Telling me to "prove" that without using God or the Bible would be like me telling that other person to prove evolution without science or theory. Debating Creation without using the Bible is removing God not once, but twice. Yep, twice. That's what hit me between the eyes when I was reading.

Under those terms, God is first removed from my life, if just for the length of the conversation with the non-believer. To argue my point without referring to God as the Creator is removing Him from my life. If I'm not for Him, than I'm against Him. Not proclaiming that all things were created by God is no better than denying that same truth.

Bad news for me.

God is removed a second time because in that moment I've temporarily removed any possibility of introducing God to someone who truly needs to know Him. I've forsaken my commission to introduce God to someone just for the sake of winning on the road. I've removed God from that person's life, too, at least on a tangible level.

Bad news for them.

God, twice removed... Gone from two people's lives for a few moments because of my stupid pride and arrogance that leads me to believe that I have the ability to make someone believe without telling the Truth.

Luckily, I cannot actually remove God from anyone's life including my own. Luckily, God can always win... even when the odds are against it. It's time for me to understand that God's Word is not a crutch that demands some sort of excuse, or that needs to be removed from debate to allow for a "fair" playing field. I think I'll choose to use it whenever I can to help people understand the Truth. I think I'll continue to study it so that the Truth becomes clearer to me. I think I'll choose to rely on God and his Word to fill me and make me whole. I think I'll choose to try harder to avoid getting sucked into situations that tempt me to remove God from my life, and someone else's.

Peace,

Mike

Limousine

2009-12-29T07:40:00.008-05:00

Who in their right mind doesn't like to ride in a limo? Doesn't it make you feel very special to ride in a vehicle like that? And when you see one driving around town, there are always those unspoken questions....Who is in there? What's so special about them?

I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding some things that are going on in my life. In fact, it was a conversation that I used to explain pretty much everything that was going on in my life. My friend asked me after an Administrative Board meeting at our church "So, how are you? You seemed like you were a million miles away in there. Are you alright?" That's a big question. It's an even bigger question when you don't realize that you appear to be so removed. Here's how I tried to explain to my friend what was actually going on:

My life is no more extraordinary than the next person's life. But my level of involvement with Jesus Christ is more in question now than ever before in my life. As I've written before, I'm just not sure in what direction I'm being pointed right now. I do know, however, that I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that my spiritual life is at some sort of tipping point. Whether or not that involves my vocation, I don't know. But I feel now like my spiritual life is on the front burner, but not without it's problems.

In my mind, I can see my spiritual life as a limousine.

It's the ride I want to be in. It's comfortable....roomy....safe....and just a little mysterious. It's the big shiny black thing that makes other people look and say Wow, who is that? What's going on with him that warrants a limo?"

But there's more to it. We've all seen limousines leaving weddings, right? We've seen them with the strings tied on to the back bumper, then attached to cans, right? So when the limo is going down the road, the cans bounce and clang and make all kinds of racket. I guess the intention is to announce that the couple inside has just been married and they want everyone to know it. But sometimes my spiritual limo feels like it has those cans tied to the back, too.

One string and can is my work. All I want is to be in this nice smooth, quiet ride up front, but there's this annoying job that is dragging behind making all kinds of noise and is almost an embarrassment at times. It's just one of those things that makes something beautiful (my spiritual life) look so gaudy and all too often pulls my attention away from the view up front.

Another string and can is my family. I'm not saying family is bad. I love my family. But it's not perfect. It takes work...and time. It's not gaudy by any means, and certainly not an embarrassment, but it is still something that is attached to my spiritual life that necessarily diverts my attention from what I feel can only be my ultimate purpose.

Yet another string and can is my own recreation. I still feel these waves of selfishness that make me want to separate and just do what I want to do, regardless of what is right or what is needed. I guess I could also just call it self. Not all the things I choose for recreation are bad. I like to exercise, spend time with friends, watch a movie, and so on. So what's wrong with that? Nothing, in moderation. But I have this tendency to over-indulge in myself. I can convince myself that I deserve it, and that normally clashes with what my spiritual life is calling me to do.

So in this limo I picture myself in the back seat enjoying the ride. But there are these cans...these annoying, distracting cans clanging around behind my ride. I picture myself looking out the back window in disgust, just wishing all these cans wouldn't make so much noise, or be such an obvious detraction from my limo.

I can then see myself standing behind the limo with a scissors....reaching to cut the strings....I can almost feel the relief of having nothing tied to the back of my limo. But then God steps in, and I see something else.

God tells me that severing all these things is not the answer. He wants me in the limo. He wants my spiritual life to be first and foremost. He wants me to give my life and myself to Him, but He wants me to know that my life in the natural is not entirely without purpose.

I see God opening the trunk of the limo, and carefully placing the cans and strings inside, still attached, but no longer dragging behind....no longer a distraction. Those are things that I can bring with me on my ride. They can't ride in front, but they need not be severed. Those things are part of who I am. Those things are all part of what God wants for me. They may be things that I need to learn to handle better. They may be things that need some fixing down the road. They may be things that God has put in my life for my benefit that I don't realize yet. Regardless, they are back there. But they're connected in a way that makes much more sense to me. I feel like I can stop looking back at them, trying to figure out how to deal with them.

And I must say....the view seems much nicer now out the front window of my limo.

Peace,

Mike

Sophie, The Beeping Dog

2009-10-23T06:34:00.005-04:00

Our neighbors have a new dog. Her name is Sophie, and she is very cute. She is a Bichon Frise, and for those of you who don't know what they look like (I had no idea, before I met Sophie), I've included a photo. Recently I was getting ready to mow our grass, and my wife said "Now you know Janet & Will got a new dog, right? Her name is Sophie. So if you see her, be nice. Oh, and don't call her over to the fence if she's out". I was going to ask why I couldn't call her over to the fence, because I'm a dog lover and it seemed cruel to just stand and look from afar at a dog that cute. But she continued with her explanation: "They have one of those buried fence things." In my mind, I was already forming the image of me calling the dog over to the chain-link fence to pet her and watching in horror as 240 volts of electricity coursed through her body and turned her rigid before my eyes. What a terrible thought. But my wife continued: "They don't use the shocker thing, but when she starts to get close to the buried wire, her beeper starts going off. Then she knows she's too close to the edge." How very cool is that? I thought to myself. As it turned out, Sophie was inside for the afternoon while I mowed, so my yard work was completed without incident. But I kept rolling that idea around in my head for several more days.

Since that day I've been mildly obsessed with the idea of having something attached to our person that would warn us when we're about to get in trouble. Something to let me know I'm close to danger. Something to remind me when there's a hidden boundary in front of me that I really shouldn't cross. I keep thinking that if there was something that would ring or "beep" when I was about to click on a very bad link on the Internet, or an alarm that would go off right before I use foul language at work, I could avoid a lot of the sin in my life. Sophie is so lucky, I think to myself, I want a beeper, too.

Jump to one week later. I'm at work, in the middle of solving a mini crisis, and I go to one of the other managers to ask if they'll come and help me. After all, I'm always willing to help them, and I've got a bigger problem than they do right now, so why wouldn't they help? But I asked, and then got the response "Nah, I really have a lot of stuff I need to get done today." And they turned back away and continued to do....nothing. I was walking away, fuming, seething, forming all the right things to say to verbally abuse this guy, and as I turned back around to let him have it, a very strange thing happened....

My "beeper" went off.

I stood there, very aware of what was happening to me physically, and felt as if my entire being was screaming at me STOP! No good can possibly come of this. I realized that the little hairs on the back of my neck were standing up as I listened to that little voice inside. But I was also breathing faster, my fists were clenched, I was biting my own teeth so hard my temples hurt, and I have to believe my face was red. But my beeper was still going off. Relax. Walk away. This isn't a fight you need to fight. This is not a new thing, so why is it affecting you this way now? And that was it. Hands relaxed, breathing slowed, face back to normal color, I turned and walked away. It wasn't until several hours later that I made the connection between Sophie's beeper and the little hairs on the back of my neck.

I've had that feeling before, but not always in times of extreme anger or anxiety. I normally feel that when I'm talking to someone about my relationship with Jesus. Or I feel it when I give a short message at church about something I'm passionate about. And sometimes I feel it when I do something very good for someone without anyone knowing about it. Sometimes I feel it while I'm typing a post for this blog. I've always professed that I feel that when the Holy Spirit is close....when I'm in tune with God...when I'm doing something very right. I've always believed that feeling was directly connected to my conscience, thereby making my conscience the medium through which the Holy Spirit guides me and lets me know when I'm on the right track. But this was the first time I felt it when I was facing something that was dark, bad, and just ugly. I've never thought to ask God for that type of Early Warning System. I've always just asked Him to forgive me for leaning into sin, shoulder first, thinking I'm strong enough to resist.

Lead us not into temptation....

I should have known that He could help us avoid bad things sometimes. I should have known that I'm not doomed to failure every time I'm faced with that possibility.

And deliver us from evil....

Deliver us. Deliver me. Not just "fix me after I break myself", but deliver me, unharmed, back to the folds of the saved.

We have a beeper. God gave us an Early Warning System. It's probably something a little different in all of us. Maybe your beeper batteries are dead. Maybe you don't hear the "beep" and you need to tune in to God a little closer like I needed to do. But we've all got a beeper. God hasn't set us up to fail. Granted, we realize how badly we need Him when we do, but He takes no pleasure in our failures, injuries, or shortcomings.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm not jealous of Sophie any more either. I've got a beeper, too. I just wish I was as cute as she is.

Peace,

Mike

New - Part Two

2009-10-04T06:22:00.005-04:00

This is Part II of a post from 10-2-2009. Click here to read Part I.

I was standing in the kitchen a day or two after I had prayed for God to take control of my health and lead me to whoever or whatever would help me restore my health. My wife said to me, somewhat out of the blue, "have you ever considered checking out that weight loss program at the hospital?" "Yes, but it's very expensive. I don't know if we can afford it" I answered. Her reply was something like "might not hurt to just check it out". Those were probably the strongest words she could have spoken to me that day. I needed to know that someone else was concerned, too, so that it wasn't just me doing it for me. So I decided that would be the starting point. I went to the free introductory meeting, got the information and the prices, and went home and started thinking about how that could work.

I did the math and found that by eliminating all of the destructive eating that I was doing, I freed up exactly enough money weekly to cover the cost of the program.

What a coincidence.

There were some preliminary tests to be done so that the administrators had a solid reference point, but I had just had most of those same tests done by my family physician, so all of those results were available with minimal effort or additional cost.

Again, what a coincidence.

The first night that I went, I saw a friend from church that was just starting, too. She and I both said that it was so nice to see a familiar face and it would be great to have someone we each knew to help with accountability.

Just another coincidence, I suppose.

And it started. Just like that. I started the program June 15th, 2009. I lost 13 pounds the first week. And it just kept coming off. I would weigh myself at night before bed, then again when I got up in the morning. I would smile, sometimes almost laugh as I thanked God and looked at the numbers on the scale. I lost weight every day...every week. A couple weeks into it, I started feeling a wave of energy that lasted longer than I had ever experienced. I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't wear myself out at work. I couldn't seem to find enough things to do to exhaust myself. Within a week of first feeling that, one of the administrators of the program handed out a twelve week training program for running. "No way. The only way you'll catch me running is if the pizza guy forgets to leave my breadsticks" was my canned response to running. The program is a walk-to-run training regimen that takes someone who doesn't run from walking to running 5k (3.1 miles) in twelve weeks. Having never been an athlete, I was skeptical. I just assumed that all those programs were for people who were already athletic. I showed it to my wife, and she said that if I was going to do it, she wanted to do it with me.

What a coincidence.

The first time the training called for a thirty second run, I thought I would die. I smoked for twenty years. I was still overweight, but that was changing fast. But we stayed with it. We did it 6 nights a week, just like the plan called for. Our kids went with us on nights where there wasn't much running. And I ran. We ran. We started to schedule things around our training, leaving enough time to fit it in every day. And the schedule held. Our lives didn't fall apart or become impossible to coordinate, even though we had just added in a new daily task. We both felt good, and it worked.

What a coincidence.

On a cold, rainy Sunday in July, my wife said she really didn't want to go out and run in the rain. We have a good treadmill that had seen very little use beyond the first two weeks in January every year, so she was going to do her time on the treadmill. Obviously, we can't run together on the treadmill, so I told her I was going to run outside. I walked out, stood in the driveway, and thought to myself:

You've never run a mile in your life. You've never even run just to see how far you can run. This running thing isn't as bad as you thought. You should just run today. Just run.

So I did. I ran. And it felt good, really good. At a mile and a half, I smiled. I looked up and said "look at me, God, I'm running. You've got me running!" Guess how far I ran that night? Yep, 3.1 miles. Five weeks into a twelve week program, I ran 3.1 miles. And the weight just kept coming off.

What a coincidence.

Since then I've run in four 5k events, winning third in my age group at one of those. My wife and I have run two of those together, and we have one more scheduled for October 10. I started a 10k training program three weeks ago, and I'm running about twenty miles a week now. I ride a bicycle and I kayak. I'm not trying to drag out a list of all my accomplishments. These are not MY accomplishments. If you go back and read my early posts, you'll notice that there's no mention of any of this before now. This is new. This is God's prescription for my health. And I can't help but feel that it came just in time.

What a coincidence.

At the beginning of the weight loss program, I had to set a goal weight. I didn't want to get wrapped up in the numbers, but I understood that there has to be a goal. I set my goal weight at 200 lbs. At that time, I was almost 270. The NP told me that 200 would be a healthy weight for me, so that's what went in the book. On September 23, 2009, fifteen weeks into the program, I weighed in at 198 lbs. That was a little over two weeks ago. I've continued to lose weight in those two weeks, and I continue to run with my wife. Here's some more of my numbers/stats/info:

Blood pressure going in: 145/85
Blood pressure now: 106/62

Resting heart rate going in: 90
Resting heart rate now: 50

Cholesterol down 70 points
Blood sugar dead-center in "normal" range

Over 27 total inches of body dimension eliminated (neck, chest, waist, and thighs)

Waist size going in: 40-42
Waist size now: 34

Shirt/jacket size going in: XXL/50 regular
Shirt/jacket size now: MEDIUM/ 42-43 regular

No more antidepressant medication
No more triglyceride medication
Cholesterol medication under review, possibly removing it, too

I've had surgery on both of my hands this summer, relieving some long-standing pain and symptoms form Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I've had a torn rotator cuff that's scheduled for surgery on October 15, 2009. I also have a 10k race schedule for 9 days after that. Should be interesting.

So, what is my point in sharing all of this? Well, like I said, it's been a year of renewal and repair for me. And it's all been at God's direction. All of this just feels as though, like I've written before, God is staging me for something bigger. There may not be a clear path ahead of me yet, but He's trying to give me a sense of direction. Maybe a starting point. I don't know. But it feels like a new direction. It's kind of funny.....the name of the program I'm in at the hospital is called New Direction.

What a coincidence.

Peace,

Mike

New - Part One

2009-10-02T07:56:00.013-04:00

I turned forty this year. I still don't have the urge to go out a buy a convertible sports car, get a tattoo, or sell everything and travel to Spain, so I guess I'm not officially in my "mid-life crisis" yet. I don't feel old. In fact it's been a year of renewal and repair for me. And I guess I'd like to explain that.

Some of you who actually read this know me personally. Some of you knew me a long time ago, but haven't seen me for awhile. Others, I'm assuming, don't know me from Adam, but are accidentally reading this. Anyway, here's the story of my year so far, mostly regarding my physical health.

First off, I want to establish the fact that I'm not an athlete, nor have I ever been one. I played no sports in school. None. Ever. I was more interested in getting home and heading out into the woods near our house and splashing down the creek bed with my best friend. I started working a "real" job at age fifteen, and I think I worked pretty hard. For the most part, I've worked physically hard at most everything I've done. But I've also had this appetite my whole adult life that seemed to be a force bent on destroying me physically. When I combined 20+ years of being really physical (not athletic or healthy) with 20+ years of eating all my favorite comfort foods (pizza, pasta, chips, etc.) I found myself in the worst physical shape of my life at the end of last year. There have been other conditions that may have contributed to my condition then, like arthritis, but for the most part it was the result of two decades of filling myself with enormous amounts of very unhealthy foods and drinks, along with smashing my body into everything in front of me just to prove that even though I was very overweight, I was strong.

The arthritis over the winter left me feeling unable to do anything physically. You can read my very first post "My Long Winter's Nap" to get an idea of where I was at that time. I had all the excuses I needed to just continue to become Earth's version of Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. But God awakened me just enough to start looking for relief from the arthritis. The medicine is out there, but it's very, very expensive. Guess what? My insurance company covered it, minus a thirty dollar copay. Eight thousand dollars every 6 weeks, and they covered it. The results were almost immediate. Relief from the pain came almost immediately. I rode that wave for several months, feeling pretty good about myself. But the weight gain continued. I still ate and drank everything I wanted, whenever I wanted. I'd ask my wife if my weight bothered her. She was always kind enough to say "no". So I'd tell myself that I was o.k. even though I had to hold my breath to bend over and tie my shoes in the morning. Naturally, I started outgrowing clothes. At that time (April-May 2009) I was pushing 270 lbs. I'm 5'9" tall. When I went to our local box store to buy some clothes, I found I had then moved into the "extended sizes" and was going to have to start paying an extra $2-$5 for each article of clothing. There was a reckoning that day. I bought a couple of shirts and pairs of pants that fit, but vowed to try to change.

I think that's the point where I normally started losing the battle. I'm assuming that many folks out there know what I mean. There's some short-term resolve that comes when you're in that condition, but it's normally very short-term. And it's immediately followed by a sense of failure and a loss of self respect. I saw friends at church and work that were enrolled in a weight loss program at our local hospital and were losing weight rapidly, were exercising and really having fun. I wanted that. But when I inquired about the cost, I immediately discounted that as a possibility. So I continued to wonder how I could possibly fix it. In May of this year, my blood sugar was high enough that I was begging my doctor not to label me diabetic...."just mark me 'glucose intolerant' or whatever. I can fix this, I just need time". My blood pressure was up to 145/90, and my doctor was also talking about medication for that. I was already on cholesterol medication, triglyceride medication, and anti-depressants. Can any of you relate?

Then came my God moment.

Near the end of May, I was really losing the battle. The arthritis was no longer limiting me, but I was limiting me. Again, for a snapshot of where I was emotionally at that time, see my post "It's In There". So I prayed. That's a pretty novel idea, huh? I realized something as I tried to ask God for help regarding my physical condition. For a very long time I've known that I can give things up to God and He helps. I've seen it happen. I'm very comfortable with that arrangement. I'm also very aware of my limitations as His child, a created being. But it occurred to me very vividly that day that my physical being...my body...my health...was something that I had never considered giving Him control of. I guess in my mind, I was to be the steward of my body. To go to Him and admit that I ruined what He gave me to care for was something I had been unwilling to do.

So that was my prayer. "Father, I've ruined this machine you built for me. I thought that I knew better than you how to take care of it. I've readily given you control all the things in my life that weren't right, except this. I realize now that you created this body, so no one but you would know how to keep it working. Please show me how I can restore this body physically to a point that pleases You, not others, and is a testament to your love for me." It was mere days after that prayer that everything started to change.

I'll end Part I here just so none of you fall asleep. You can click here to read Part II.

Peace,

Mike

Better Than A Nail

2009-08-11T07:39:00.005-04:00

I'd like to offer a brief warning about this post. It's not meant to turn anyone's stomach, but I do describe very briefly a medical procedure I had done recently. The video at the end also contains a fairly graphic representation of the pain the Christ endured as He neared the end of His life. I make no apologies, but I do offer a warning. Considered yourself advised.

I had surgery last week. It was a carpal tunnel release surgery on my right hand. I had my left hand done a month ago, and it's healing nicely. Going in this time, I knew pretty much what to expect, which parts would hurt the worst, which would not hurt at all, how the whole surgery room procedure would go. It's an outpatient procedure, and it's just my hand, so it really was no big deal. But I knew, having done this once before, that when the doctor injected the three big gobs of local anesthesia into the palm of my hand, it was going to hurt. That was all I thought about as my mother (yes, my mother...I'm forty but I still throw her a bone on occasion and let her take care of me) drove me to the surgery center. I wasn't worried, like I said - I survived it once. I just knew that would be the worst part.

As they prepped me for surgery I started thinking of how I could minimize the little burst of pain and uncertainty that comes when they start injecting you like that. I decided I would think about other people that were going through physical storms that were enduring much more pain and suffering than I was. I would think of my friend Jack, who just had surgery on his heart...ribs spread, bones and organs moved around, the works. I'd think of my dad who went through excruciating pain and suffering before he died. I'd think of all these things and within a few minutes, my hand would be numb and all would be well in the world. That would get me through my "mini trauma".

All was set, and here he came. Evil, menacing grin on his face as he walked up to me with that giant syringe (no, really, my doctor has a pretty good sense of humor, and we had talked about the shot being the worst part, so he was really laying it on). He stuck it in my hand, started pressing, and as the skin started stretching, I remembered why I hated that part. I forgot all about my plan to divert my attention at first. As he stuck the needle in the second time, I just relaxed, laid my head back, decided to just "man up" and take it. I was just getting ready to pull up all my mental images of the sufferings of others when my doc said "all kidding aside, I know this really hurts". And my reply?

"Better than a nail driven through your hand."

What? Did I say that? Where did that come from? That wasn't in the script. But it was a message for me, out of my own mouth. God knew that I still feel so unworthy of the suffering that Christ endured for me. God knew that once that thought was in my head, no amount of pain that day would allow me to feel sorry for myself. I laid there for the next two or three minutes, now totally unaware of what was going on with my hand. It wasn't numb yet, but it ceased to matter. I had this image in my head of the literal process of a soldier spiking Christ's hands. I felt so small. I felt how cold the surgery center really was. I felt so petty and weak. But God knows how to deal with that, too.

The next string of thoughts were of God's reason for that. He cares so much for me, that He would allow His own Son to be defiled and abused beyond what humans were designed to bear.

How much must He love me? How much must He love you? Would you be willing to take His place on the cross?

Peace,

Mike

If We Are the Body, Then Who's In Charge?

2009-07-20T09:09:00.009-04:00

I don't know why it still amazes me that children can say such profound things and not even realize it.

My six-year-old son really keeps my mind on edge. He comes up with questions and observations that just blow me away. Sometimes even when he doesn't understand something, it raises a deep philisophical observation or question for me.

Back on Father's Day, my family visited my father's grave. Not really knowing the significance, Cameron, my son, just continued asking questions as we stood there thinking, praying, trying not to cry, etc. Among these questions was this: "So is Grandpa in there?" as he pointed to the ground under the headstone. "Only his body is there" was my answer, thinking that would end that conversation. "Then where's his head?" he asked me in return. "What? What did he just ask me?" I thought to myself. After a couple probing questions, because now I was curious about his thoughts on this, I realized that in his mind, the head is not actually part of the body. The body is just used by the head, but the head is where a person's essence is contained. This was confirmed several days later in a discussion about Heaven, our souls, and our spirits. His question during that conversation was "so it's just a bunch of heads flying around in Heaven, but all the bodies are buried down here?" Can you imagine the mental images that must be floating around in his little head during these two conversations? He wasn't scared by any of this, just genuinely curious...trying to wrap his brain around this so that he could stow it away and move on to life's next big imponderable.

All of this has raised just a few points in my mind, though, too. We talk often in church about the church being the "body" of Christ. And we easily identify Christ as the "head" of the church. But you know what? I know that personally, there have been times when I've not looked at the two as one complete unit. I have also witnessed others that apparently don't either. I know God is flowing through all that we do. I know that the Holy Spirit is moving among us and keeping us connected. But as material beings, I think it's possible that we often look at Christ as being "there" and at us as being "here". The head separated from the body, so to speak. It occurs to me now that Christ doesn't want a remote-controlled church. He wants to be attached, connected to the core, with all the same life and blood and love and passion flowing through Him that flows through us. He's not just our headquarters, broadcasting commands from afar. He's the Team Leader, and He wants to be right out on the front lines with us, feeling the danger, fighting the enemy, hearing the cries of the wounded around Him. As our "head", He knows that He too is part of the body, part of us. He was hated. He was beaten. He tasted death. He didn't do it because He was bored. He did it because as the head of this body, He needs us to know that He's with us, He's been there, He'll always be there. He's not just a head "flying around in Heaven".

I'm throwing in a song that I really like that sort of goes along with the idea of us being the Body of Christ. I hope you enjoy it.

Peace,

Mike

It's In There

2009-06-08T09:33:00.002-04:00

Raise your hand if you've ever been sad.

That's what I thought.

At some point, we all go through times where something just isn't right. We feel sad, and maybe we're not sure why. For some, there's a clinical explanation. Maybe it's depression, or grief, or anxiety. But even when you're told that there's a logical explanation for feeling the way you do, that doesn't make you feel any better.

I recently went through a time like that. For some reason, this past winter really weighed me down. Considering the work situation, the economic situation, the typical midwest "permacloud" winter, and my poor physical condition that is mostly my own fault, I had plenty of good excuses to feel a little down. But the thing that just kept nagging me was that in spite of those external influences, I really didn't have reason to be down. I have an awesome wife, two beautiful, smart, funny kids, my wife and I have both kept our full time jobs, and I know Jesus is my Saviour and that I'm protected and loved. So what was there to whine about?

I still can't answer that. I never did come up with a reason for feeling that way when I've got so much going for me. I did realize, however, that when you're in a personal relationship with Christ, the good feelings and happiness are never gone from you. Sometimes they're clouded from your vision. Sometimes you get distracted. Sometimes even when you think you're really focusing on what matters and you know that God is at work in your life, you still miss what He's actually doing. It took a trip throught the country recently for me to realize that.

As I've said before, one of the responsibilities I carry at work is to make deliveries. In Elkhart County, many of those deliveries require short trips through Amish country, away from orange barrel-laced roads around our factory. All winter long I made those trips, occasionally enjoying the beauty of fresh snow on the barren corn fields that mark both sides of the road. But most times it was just a wet, gray, nervous trip, made as quickly as road conditions would allow. But about 3 weeks ago, as I drove the route that takes me down roads that often require a patient wait to get around horses pulling buggies, I looked into a couple of the same fields that seemed so depressing throughout the winter. And I smiled. In one farmer's field were ten or twelve horses, gathered into a half-circle around 2 "brand new" ponies. And I mean new. Barely able to stand, still wet and fuzzy, the ponies would stand up and wobble around on legs that just seemed way to long, but the adult horses kept closing in around them so they could lean on them as they tried to gain their balance. It made me think of all the people that have kept me from stumbling too far away from God my whole life. It made me remember that the world isn't about my comfort or relative happiness. There must be a certain amount of resolve on my part to make my world better. And, as I said, the ponies made me smile. 3 months ago, there was dead plants, snow, and mud in that field. Then there was God's message to me that came attached to a smile:

"If you think that what I've given you is gone because you can't feel happy, you're wrong. It's in there. It's in there Mike, and as long as you keep believing in Me, and keep serving my Kingdom, it will never leave you."

And that's it. Does that seem too simple? At times I'm sure it probably is. But I also know that I typically look too hard and ask the wrong questions when I'm seeking God's presence in my life. He's given me all that I need. He'll continue to give me all that I need. I'll be sad again sometime, I'm sure. But this is one more lesson He's given me to use when those feelings return, as I'm they sure they will. With God's help, though, maybe next time won't feel so heavy to me.

My prayer for you is not that you look harder for God in your life. It's not that you have some sort of huge revelation that changes your views on everything. No, my prayer is that you simply realize that God can give you all that you need. You get to keep it, but to keep it you must share it. And you must stay in touch with Him through it all. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit guides your eyes to the ponies, but doesn't blind you to the mud.

When you know God and His son, Jesus Christ, you're given everything that matters. And even in those times when you feel you've lost it, be assured that if you love the Lord, it's in there.

Peace,

Mike

Spend Wisely

2009-05-15T06:44:00.010-04:00

The Story of the Greedy Farmer From Luke 12 (The Message)

13Someone out of the crowd said, "Teacher, order my brother to give me a fair share of the family inheritance."
14He replied, "Mister, what makes you think it's any of my business to be a judge or mediator for you?"
15Speaking to the people, he went on, "Take care! Protect yourself against the least bit of greed. Life is not defined by what you have, even when you have a lot."
16-19Then he told them this story: "The farm of a certain rich man produced a terrific crop. He talked to himself: 'What can I do? My barn isn't big enough for this harvest.' Then he said, 'Here's what I'll do: I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I'll gather in all my grain and goods, and I'll say to myself, Self, you've done well! You've got it made and can now retire. Take it easy and have the time of your life!'
20"Just then God showed up and said, 'Fool! Tonight you die. And your barnful of goods—who gets it?'
21"That's what happens when you fill your barn with Self and not with God."

How do you spend your time? Are you as concerned about what you're doing with your time as you are with what you're doing with your money? Isn't our time here a gift from God? How about our money...is that a gift from God?

These are a few of the questions that have been rolling around in my head lately.

There's a lot of talk these day about money. Everything right now seems to revolve around the presence or absence of money in our lives. Last year when the stock market tooks its tumble, you couldn't go anywhere without hearing about all the folks who had saved for retirement, lived simply, and lost everything. With the seemingly smooth stroke of some sort of cosmic wand, millions of people went from feeling secure and excited about retiring to being in fear of that same thing. I remember in the years before that, you couldn't watch television for an hour without seeing a commercial for some bank or investment company telling you that your time was running out. You must invest now. But in the grand scheme of things, we live what, maybe 20-25 years in retirement if we're lucky? I understand, trust me, that we need to save. And we all want to be at least moderately comfortable when our working days are finally done. But when you consider the amount of time that will be spent in retirement and compare that to eternity, don't you wonder if we're worried about the wrong things?

To "save time" and "spend time" may not be literally possible as with money, but you can use your time wisely to prepare yourself for eternity. That's an investment worth saving for.

Peace,

Mike

Slippin' One Through

2009-04-18T23:36:00.012-04:00

James 4:7
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

It's the little things that get overlooked.

I was recently an "almost" victim of credit card fraud (actually, debit card, which I believe is worse). My wife and I had just returned home from a weekend getaway. There was a message on the answering machine for me from my bank. The message stated that I needed to call back as soon as possible regarding possible illegal use of my debit card. I called the toll-free number and reached a customer service representative (on a Sunday night, no less).

After identifying myself to the representative, she informed me that the Security Team at the bank had flagged a transaction 2 days prior as an attempt at card theft. When I asked how she could be sure, she explained that a transaction had come through for $1.00 for a purchase from an online music service. I told her that I frequently use that particular service, and each song happens to be 99 cents. I wondered if maybe they mistakenly flagged one of my own legitimate purchases by mistake.

She explained further that the person who attempted to use my card number was asked to enter their zip code at the time of purchase. The zip code entered did not match the zip code on my bank account. She said that this has started happening so frequently that it automatically gets flagged as a theft attempt.

I told her I appreciated the fact that they had intercepted and declined the transaction and subsequently froze the account, but I couldn't understand why someone would only try to steal $1.00. She said that the $1.00 transaction was only to "ping" the account. The thieves run a very small, innocent looking purchase through and if the transaction is completed, if they manage to "slip one through" they then know that the card is active and available for further use. She said "And then that's when they really wipe you out". She said that people rarely notice or investigate a $1.00 discrepancy on their account, so by the time they realize they've been robbed it's too late.

How interesting.......

So what in the world does that have to do with a life with Jesus Christ? Or with discipleship? Or with right-living?

Think about it.....how many times do we let a "little sin" or a random negative thought pass through our lives? How often do we treat someone unfairly or think something really vile about someone, only to brush it off as less than significant?

I believe that Satan understands this concept perfectly. He doesn't use what power he has to try to make us all murderers. He doesn't put opportunities for adultery in front of us every day. We're often faced with temptations that are easily justifiable. He just doesn't go "all in" right from the start. No, his method is much more cunning. And unfortunately, much more effective on me.

You see, Satan will start out with one tiny little seemingly unimportant seed. But once we've become tolerant or worse, even comfortable with that one tiny little bad thing that's in our life, I think our hearts harden just a tiny bit. Our senses get a little dull. Then a little more.....bit by bit. It's like I've heard people describe football....it's a game of inches. Satan knows that he can't win my heart in one swift, massive blow. But he does know that if he can slip enough little blows through "under the radar" so to speak, he might just lull me into complacency and get me all wrapped up in sin before I realize what has happened. And many of us know how hard it is to recover from that.

So what should I do? What should we all do? As always, God has given us the answer. This time, I believe it's in Ephesians 6 in The Message:

^10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

^13-18 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Paul knew. The apostle Paul knew that if the Ephesians didn't make a conscious effort every day to protect themselves from the little sucker punches that Satan dishes out, they'd be in trouble. And I think that God is giving us the same message today through this passage from His Word.

So watch yourselves out there. Don't discount the "little evils" that Satan tries to slip through on you. Talk to God about His idea of protecting yourself. And pray for those around you, that they, too find the armor they need to resist sin.

I like to think of it as a neighborhood watch for our souls.

Peace,

Mike

Called

2009-04-01T22:31:00.010-04:00

How cool it must be to know that what you're doing is truly your calling.

I'm not just talking about your job. And I'm not talking about your particular service project or group, either. I'm talking about all the things you do that make you who you are. Some call it vocation. I think that your vocation is where what you really love and are passionate about meets and fulfills a need that the world has. I've also heard it called your "perfection". When you begin to wrap yourself around the thing that God made you to do, the feeling is so perfect, you can't imagine it any other way. Sound cool? It probably is. I can't tell you honestly how that feels because I'm not currently in that situation. I'm still imperfect. I'm still watching, waiting, wondering when my perfection will find me. I suppose that's part of the problem. Maybe that's the whole problem.

I consider myself to be pretty cautious when it comes to my employment and the activities on which I choose to spend my time. My hobbies are "safe" for the most part. My life is pretty quiet and uneventful. Not boring, just uneventful. I haven't taken many chances in life, on jobs, or in relationships. So I'm the one that sits and wonders what it must be like to have the courage to shed the norm, close my eyes, and let God take me to my perfection. Life on Earth will not cease to happen if I never find that perfection. But I also think that if I don't find it, it will go undone. Someone else might do something similar, but never the exact same perfection as the one set aside for me. I'm not much on assuming that if I don't do it, someone else will. It's not like taking out the garbage.

The problem I see more often (now that everyone is becoming so interested in God's plan for them) occurs, as usual, when we get in the way of said plan. What I mean is......many among us have these really strong desires to do certain things in our lives or with our lives. And quite often, opportunities present themselves that allow those desires to manifest. I think the trap is that it's so easy for us to say "well, I want to do it, and now I'm able to do it, so it must be God's will for me to do it". I could be wrong, but doesn't Satan make it pretty easy to do the wrong things, just as God can remove obstacles that prevent us from doing right? My struggle with my search for my "perfection" is that I can't tell if what I'm feeling is truly the voice of God moving me in a certain direction or if my own will is convincing me that it's the right thing because I think it's what I want to do. I don't trust my feelings all the time. They've gotten me into trouble often enough that I'm a little skeptical.

I know without asking that my pastors would undoubtedly recommend that I pray on this matter and listen closely for God's answer. That's very sound advice for making any decision. It's also what I'm currently doing. I know that the answer will come. As I've written before, God has been in control of my life since before I realized it. I don't doubt that He has a plan for me. Nor do I doubt that His plan involves some truly amazing things. I'm just really anxious for the day to come when I know that what I'm doing is the one thing that He set aside just for me to do.

I know I'm called. And I know I'm called to do good for the Kingdom of God. Right now, however, it feels somewhat like getting a phone call where the caller says "Mike? Yeah, it's me. I need you to go over there right away. I have a very big project going and there's one part of it that I need you to help with. Thanks, Bye". You think you recognize the voice, but not for sure. You also have no idea where "over there" is. You know what the "big project" is, but you don't know what could possibly require your help. And the caller hangs up before you can get any more information. You just know that someone out there is waiting on you and counting on you. All you can do is hope that they call back or that you somehow fill in those blanks correctly.

Called. We're all called. If you've found your perfection, I hope you realize how big of a blessing God has given you. If you're still not sure....if you're still waiting and watching like me....don't give up hope. There are plenty of things that need to be done for the Kingdom in the meantime that aren't necessarily set aside just for you. I feel that by regularly engaging those things, I might be helping myself to better understand the more "Mike-specific" things that lie ahead.

Peace,

Mike

Thump, Thump

2009-04-01T15:13:00.007-04:00

I love blowing up someone's preconceived notions about me. Not in a malicious way, I just like it when someone says "I thought you were totally different than you really are".

A group of men from our church called the Band of Brothers recently got together for dinner out and a Clint Eastwood flick. Joining us was a guy who had never done anything with our group in the past. At the end of the evening, he and I and another member of the group were sitting and kind of recapping the evening. Our new member made a statement about our group. He said "this group is totally different than I thought it would be. I always assumed you were a bunch of guys walking around thumping their Bibles and talking about church".

Now don't get me wrong. As I explained to my friend, there is definitely a need for groups like that, too. Our church has several really good, really intense scripture and accountability-type groups for men. Our group, however, serves a different purpose. I told him that if someone from the B.o.B. group saw him doing something he shouldn't be doing, we wouldn't call a meeting and discuss it. There wouldn't be "share time" on how we feel he should act and how that is supported by scripture. No, we would walk up to him and probably slap him in the back of the head (sometimes literally) and tell him to stop. Period.

My point is not that there is one method of teaching and learning discipleship that is better or more effective than another. We see throughout the New Testament that Jesus used different forms of teaching depending on who was listening and who the intended audience really was. I think sometimes we find a certain way to relate to others how we feel about our faith, about Jesus as our Savior and about God and His church that strikes a chord with a particular audience. We then assume that the same thing will affect everyone we speak to in the same way. I think that what happens over time is that we start performing our story instead of telling it or acting it out. Granted, God can work through us regardless of how we feel we appear to others. But I feel that we need to be conscious of who it is that is listening so that we are open to what tools God would have us use in certain environments.

Sometimes I like to speak quietly in a circle of close friends and relate what I'm feeling calmly to a group of accountability partners. But more often than not, I feel the Holy Spirit moving me to turn over tables....to get a little sweaty....to really "throw down" with the world. God did, after all, regularly choose men to do battle, get messy, and swim upstream.

Be open to God's ever-changing missions for us and dare to try something new in the name of the Kingdom.

Peace,

Mike

Black Flagged

2009-03-15T12:53:00.003-04:00

It's sure a good thing we have different rules for life than they have in auto racing.

One rule in particular that stands out to me is the minimum speed rule. I'm no racing professional, so forgive me if I don't have the details just perfect on this, but I believe there is a rule in NASCAR that states that if you can't maintain the minimum speed on the track, the officials wave a black flag and you have to remove yourself from the race or face fines and/or penalties.

Let's say a driver (we'll call him "Rusty") is really doing well. He's been in the front pack most of the day and has led a lap or two. Late in the race, there's a "big one" that causes damage to a lot of the cars, including his. He takes his car to the pit area during the caution period and his crew starts banging out fenders, changing tires, making whatever repairs they can to keep Rusty in the race. He reenters the race along with all the other drivers, but he notices right away that there is something wrong with fourth gear. He can only use first, second, and third gear. He can only run 165 m.p.h. when the other cars are running at nearly 200 m.p.h. He notices the black flag waving, and his crew chief calls him on the radio and says he has to come into the garage because the officials have determined he can't maintain the minimum speed, so he can't be on the track. The rule really is there for the safety of the drivers. Allowing one slow moving object to stand in front of forty-two fast moving objects is just asking for big trouble. But that's auto racing, not life.

Rusty now has no chance of winning this race, and he'll be hard pressed to even finish once they start disassembling his car. Points are lost, tempers flare, reputations are on the line, sponsors are wringing their hands in anxious anticipation. Oh, and by the way, no one can even tell who was at fault for the wreck that started it all.

Imagine the same rule being applied to your life. You get a good job. You meet the right man or woman, get married, start a family, and make the right choices. You're running with the lead pack for a long time. But then let's say there's a crisis in your family. A family member dies. Everything is in chaos for a time, then nothing seems right after that. Life is a chore to deal with during that time, so you flounder a little bit. Maybe you even stray from what you know is right because you don't know how to manage your feelings. You drift far from God. You become damaging to those around you and to yourself. And then you're told that you're chance has come and gone. Since you can't keep up, you're not allowed to be a Christian any more. You're not eligible for salvation any more. Even though you aren't to blame for the events leading up to now, you're still the one who will pay the price.

My God is a God of second chances. My God will let you keep running. He wants you to keep running. He doesn't care about minimum speeds because He knows we all run at a different pace. He's the chief that says in your ear "don't worry about finishing first today....just know that no matter what, I'm here to help you finish - period." He's a God who somehow gives you fuel to last longer than you should be able to - even in the worst conditions. He's a God who just wants you in the race because He is the One standing at the finish line. His son, Jesus Christ is the prize. We win by finishing, not by finishing first. All he wants from us is for us to stay in the race. He knows we'll need to keep working on the vehicle. He knows sometimes we'll be right up front, charging forward, leading the way. But he also knows we'll get a lap down sometimes. He doesn't care. He just wants us in the race.

As for the life He offers......the black flags, the penalties, have all been paid. He put His only son here to take the penalties for our sins so that we can focus on staying in the race.

What does that mean? Put your helmet on. Put your gloves on. Put your fire protective suit on. It's all the armor of God. Drop the visor and hang on. We're built to finish. We just need to refocus.

Let's go racin' boys.

Peace,

Mike

Leaning Over the Wheel

2009-03-01T06:38:00.005-05:00

Thursday was one of the foggiest days I can remember. Ever. I was making deliveries in our "big truck" Thursday morning and I just couldn't believe how hard it was to see. Driving a large, heavy vehicle in conditions like that made me a little nervous. At one point, I caught myself leaning all the way forward, up over the steering wheel, squinting to see oncoming traffic, signals, and road signs. It occurred to me that there have been times in my life that felt like that, too.

I think that when our focus shifts from Godly things and our attention is pulled toward living instead of life itself, we find ourselves in a fog like that. Sometimes, when it's just a small distraction, you can just look around a little bit harder and still find your way fairly easily. But sometimes, even when we really want our lives centered around God we get really distracted and we find ourselves in a situation like the fog on Thursday. As I leaned over the wheel, I found myself reacting to things immediately. A stop sign would suddenly appear and I would jump on the brakes. Or I'd see oncoming headlights and I'd hit the brakes and move a little farther toward the edge of the road. When I think about living life like that, I feel a little sick. I remember times when I was far from God and I could look no farther than what was happening right now in my life. All I could do is react to things as they came up, and sometimes that's a little overwhelming.

An added variable that I experienced that day was the result of temperatures hovering around freezing. As the fog fell on the roads, it formed an invisible layer of ice. This was not even "black ice" as we experience here so often. There was no sheen, no reflection...it was totally hidden....like a trap. But I drove. I drove excruciatingly slow. I leaned over the wheel and freaked every time I saw movement ahead of me. I turned the radio down. I stopped sipping my coffee. All I could do is lean forward and take it, whatever "it" was.

That's a terrible way to live. Not the driving part, I really enjoy that part of my job. But to live a life that consists of nothing more than squinting to see what your next problem is going to be just isn't spiritually healthy. Nor is it what God intended for us.

Later that day I looked outside and saw the rain falling. February rain in Indiana is no real shocker. In fact, we have a lot of those days and normally they make me feel a little down and maybe a little sleepy. But as I watched the rain that particular day, it occurred to me that the rain had cleared the fog, and had also washed the thin film of ice from the roads. How ironic....on a cloudy afternoon in February, the rain actually washed away the perils of the morning. Visibility was fine....all the schools were back in session. God had showed up for me in a most interesting way.

So if you find yourself leaning forward more often than you'd like, or if you're always squinting to try to see what trouble life is getting ready to give you, or if you just feel like you can't find your way through the fog in your life, remember this: God gave us Jesus Christ for a reason. God gave us Jesus so that in our times of confusion or fogginess we can call on Him. He'll come....He'll clear the way for us. In fact, He already has. In our times of fear, sadness, desperation, anger, or dread....we can call on Jesus. He doesn't promise us a lifetime of sunny days. But there's healing and clarity....even in the rain that will surely come. Just don't forget to call on Him when things are really great, too. He likes to hear "thank you" just as much as we do.

Living will always have its challenges, so it's in vain that we focus on happy living. Instead, let's praise the One who created life itself, and find joy in the offering of salvation through Jesus Christ.

Peace,

Mike

Frozen

2009-02-20T16:52:00.004-05:00

Frozen. That's what I was. It was a very strange feeling for me because I'm a decision-maker, yet this seems to be happening more often right now.

I don't mean frozen as in cold, I mean frozen as in stuck in one spot. I was unable to move for a few seconds, unable to speak or think. My assistant stood in front of me waiting for me to answer her question "what do you want me to do now". I couldn't answer. There were too many things that all needed to be done first.

Our spiritual lives can become the same way. We can get so overloaded with what we want to do that we lose sight of what we need to do. Our souls get frozen, unable to function, because we're so committed to the mechanics of living that we have no spiritual life.

Jesus invites us to live with Him, to rest in Him, all the time, everywhere we go. He allows us to unclutter our lives so that we can focus on what matters. He's waiting for us to get out of our own way and let our hearts and souls find joy in Him.

It's time for me to thaw out and let my soul rest in Christ for a while. How about you?

Peace,

Mike

My Friend

2009-02-11T19:11:00.004-05:00

I'd like to tell you about my friend.

I have this friend. He's been a friend of mine longer than I can remember. He was my friend when I was a little boy, and we managed to stay friends through my teen years and into adulthood. This was a guy who, when he saw me doing something stupid just quietly reminded me that I knew better, that my parents raised me better than that. Most of the time, I acknowledged his opinion, but went on being an idiot. For some reason, he still wanted to be my friend.

I went off to college for a short while and did some really stupid things. I still thought about my friend from time to time, and I knew that he would probably give me some sound advice about my behavior if he were there, but I really kind of kept my distance for awhile. I knew from the past that he would still be my friend later, and I was having fun.

College ended pretty early for me and I came home and started working full time, moved into my own place, and just kept being an idiot. By now I was only seeing my friend three or four times a year, and when we did talk, it was kind of uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't really feel like I knew him well enough any more to just "hang out". But we always assured each other that we wouldn't forget about each other and that we were still friends, even if just barely.

I lived alone for over ten years, and during that time I went through some really shallow, dangerous relationships. Somehow I managed to stay out of trouble. Many things could have gone wrong, but nothing did. No legal trouble, no kids outside of marriage, no dependency, no nothing. I didn't see much of my friend at all during that time, but I knew that it was because I wasn't making the effort. I talked to several people during that period of my life who told me that my friend was still around, and that he was concerned for me because of how I was living. As usual, I respected his concern and his opinion, but I continued doing things my way.

I got married, bought a house, and started a family. Still there were no big problems, no tragedy, no big hurdles.

As happens often when people reach this particular stage in life, something clicked and I felt the need to get back to church. Not for my sake, but for my children, of course. I was raised in the church...I knew the story and the routine. So off I went to find a church that was convenient near where we lived. While "shopping" at Trinity UMC, would you believe I ran into my friend. And for the first time in fifteen years, I felt like it was time I made the effort to get reacquainted with him. That was roughly 2004. In May of 2006, my father was diagnosed with cancer and was given just a short time to live.

This part of the story could sound very tragic.....but I had my friend with me. For some reason, God chose to reunite me with my friend at just the right time to rebuild a relationship that would truly support me through the only thing in my life that could be called "tragedy". I had developed an incredible relationship with my father through working together for 8 years. As his condition worsened, my friend continually showed me how to find God's work in what was happening with my family. He showed me how my mother loved my father in a 1 Corinthians kind of way....doing first and feeling later. He showed me how all the people around my family rallied to support us in our time of greatest need. He showed me God's mercy in ending a life after six months of illness that could have gone on in misery and pain for years. My friend did that for me. He gave me the strength to tell my unconscious father that it was o.k. to go....that I would take care of the family, that he didn't need to fight any more. He gave me the opportunity to watch him take his last breath less than one minute after I said those words to him. I've never needed more closure than that. My friend gave me the ultimate gift at the low point of my adult life. He gave me Peace.

My friend has been giving me gifts since I was a baby. He did things for me while I wasn't paying attention to him. He has always been me friend, even when we didn't talk. I've asked my friend if I could talk about him in my blog and he was very comfortable with that. I asked him if I could offer his friendship to all the people I come in contact with, and he is very excited about that. I warned him that many people may take him up on his offer of friendship and support....again he thinks that will be great. So I offer you the opportunity to have a friend that I've had my whole life. He'll be there when you need him, and also when you think you don't.

Oh...one more thing....my friends name......

Jesus Christ.

He's my Saviour, He's my brother, He's my everything. He said to tell you that if you need Him....just visit your local church. If they preach the Word of God, you'll surely find Him.

Peace,

Mike

The New Face of the Old Me

2009-01-29T21:14:00.005-05:00

What kind of person were you twenty years ago? Would the people who knew you then agree with that?

Even at forty years old, it's still easy for me to think that I'm the same ol' guy I've always been. Most of the people I associated with twenty years ago are no longer part of my everyday life. In fact, I really hadn't thought much about most of those people until lately. I recently joined Facebook. I avoided it for a long time. I really never understood the attraction to online social networks. It just always seemed like so much time spent accomplishing so little. But some friends from church joined, and I started getting "friend requests".

Who knew I had 54 friends?

Anyway.....I was meandering around the site the other night and the little chat window at the bottom popped up and I was presented with a question from a classmate who had apparently read this blog. He asked: "This may be a dumb question, but were you a Christian in school?". I sat, silent, unable to believe that someone that knew me was asking that. My response was that yes, I was, and I had done the whole youth group/Youth for Christ/blah,blah,blah laundry list. I'm sure I sounded defensive. But later as I thought more about that, I tried to remember details about how I conducted myself in high school. I tried to remember how I wanted people then to see me. I tried to remember what motivated me twenty-some years ago. As some of those memories returned to me, all I can say is that I am so ashamed......

I told my "re-friend" (I think that's what I'll call all these great people I'm getting reacquainted with) that luckily we've all grown a little since then. But right now I still feel so inadequate because of the huge failures all those years ago. Why have I been spared from misery after behaving that way? I can only thank God for prevenient grace and unending forgiveness.

I knew the story of Jesus Christ back then. I was raised in the church. I liked Sunday School and Youth Group and accepted Christ at Sr. High Institute while in high school. And I told no one outside my group of friends from church about any of that. It makes me sick to think of all the people I might have reached then if I hadn't been so afraid to be honest. For me, I think that's what it boiled down to. I was more worried about being labeled and cast aside than I was about God's call to me to shine in all the dark places I can. I lied...not just to myself, but to everyone around me. I just wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be liked (that didn't always work, either-I have a wretched sense of humor sometimes). I just wanted to absorb life as it came to me.

Sound familiar?

I serve a God of second chances. I have the opportunity to redeem myself every day I open my eyes. Share this mission with me: I will shine in all the dark places I can - I will not be ruled by my sinful nature again. I will fall, but He will lift me up. I will fight this fight with all that I am. I have decided that God is real and so is His son, Jesus Christ, and all that the Bible says is true and I won't deny that Truth or fear proclaiming it. I will tell people I am a Christian and I will act in a manner that supports that fact.

Share this mission with me......hold me accountable. We can do this, I know it. We were built for this.

To my "re-friend" that asked me the question that night-I'm sorry I wasn't better back then. Maybe together we could have reached more people.

And to all of you who know me-this is it. This is what you get with me. This is the new face I choose to wear. The old me is still around, but there's work being done under the hood.

Peace,

Mike

Dare To Be "Normal"

2009-01-21T17:02:00.007-05:00

I've always considered myself to be just a normal, average guy. When we started a family, I really wanted to be a better-than-average parent. I wanted to be the kind of parent whose children announce to the world "I have the GREATEST dad in the world". As it turns out, my wife and I are pretty good parents. But I don't foresee any public announcements from our kids any time soon. They see things a little differently right now.

About a week ago the four of us were on our way home from church when a necessary discussion broke out regarding our 9-year-old daughter's bedroom. You see, she's our creative spirit....our actress, singer, dancer, dreamer....you know the type. She's incredible and I love her. But she won't clean her room. She won't clean anything. She empties her book bag once a semester and we have to rent a dump truck to get rid of all the papers and "other stuff" that she has collected in her bag for three months. Anyway, we had to have a discussion about how things were going to start looking in her social life if she was not willing to clean up after herself at home. As sometimes happens, our "discussion" escalated into an argument. My wife and I told her that we were going to have to start taking fun things away from her if she wasn't willing to do her part. As we pulled into the garage, that last thing she screamed at us before she stomped inside and up to her room was "I HATE it when you guys are NORMAL parents. I like it better when you're the OTHER way!" At the time, I had no idea what she meant. Neither did my wife. We laughed, but neither of us really knew why that was funny.

The next day, I asked my daughter again what she had said....I honestly couldn't remember what words she had used. She repeated it...verbatim. It was still fresh in her memory. I asked her what she meant by "normal". She said "you know....the kind of parents that have rules and make you do stuff you're supposed to do even if you don't want to". I asked what the "other way" was. She said "you know....the kind of parents that let you do what you want....the kind of parents that are fun".

So there we are. That's what we all want, isn't it? We all want a Father that looks out for us, protects us, loves us, and lets us do whatever we want, right? We don't need the lessons. We don't need the discipline. We think that discipline is the same as punishment. We think that the rules and the Law are the bad guys.

Have you ever been pulled over by the police? Let's assume that you always wear your seat belt but you took it off to get your wallet out at the drive-thru and forgot to buckle back up. You get stopped. The officer scolds you for not wearing your belt. Your first reaction? Probably a legitimate excuse. You get the ticket anyway. Now you think the law is stupid, right? And that cop....what a jerk, right? That's how we think sometimes (at least I do...Maybe I'm the only one). The rules are fine until we're caught breaking them. Did you think the seat belt law was stupid when you were wearing yours? Was the officer a jerk when he was pulling someone else over for breaking a law?

We have to remember that God's Law is not going to save us any more than man's laws. Only giving our lives to God can save us. The laws are simply a warning.....Look, I've seen this happen when you do that and it can hurt you.....please don't do this, I don't like to see you get hurt. The Law does not make the evil or the sin go away. It merely tells us that someone before us has learned something the hard way and they don't want us to have to learn it that way, too. It tells us that we need to change our behavior to avoid the consequences. And if we break the rules, there will be consequences. The discipline that comes when we break those rules is meant to help, and to heal, and to teach....just like we try to teach our own children.

Jesus Christ learned it all for us....the hard way. He says we should love our God with all our heart, mind, and soul. He says we should love each other. Don't you suppose he tells us these things because He knows what's in store for us if we follow the rules? And don't you suppose that He knows what's in store for us if we don't follow them?

There's the beauty of having a Father like our God. He's normal. He wants to be the kind of Father whose children proclaim to all the world:

"I HAVE THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD!"

Peace,

Mike

The Left-Hand Pinkie is Part of the Body, Too!

2009-01-10T23:30:00.007-05:00

I have a finger that's smashed......really smashed. I smashed my little finger on my left hand Friday at work. I really smashed it. I was wrenching on an air compressor, really leaning on it and thinking "this wrench is going to slip and I'm going to rip all the skin off my knuckles". The wrench slipped. But I had gloves on, so no skin left my body. But man.....did I mention that I really smashed it?

For an hour following that, I was obsessed with it. It hurt, and it immediately started to change colors. It's all black under the fingernail now. It's swelled up enough that when I bend it, it feels like it's going to pop. I smashed it hard enough that a little blood squeezed out through the fingertip without actually cutting the skin.

In my mind, this is ridiculous. I mean, c'mon, it's the little finger on my left hand, and I'm right-handed. Let me tell you, that finger is really something I've taken for granted for far too long. I went to tie my shoes today and broke a sweat in the process because it was such an ordeal. Later, when I changed clothes for church I tucked my shirt in and found myself mumbling words that embarrass me (I never realized that my little finger has to lead the way when tucking my shirt in). And last, I pulled my gloves on and decided that was it. I'm going to have a "pinkie" day when this is all healed up and behind me. Yep, a hand massage, manicure, the works. That digit gets due recognition from here on out.

Some days I feel like the little finger on the left hand of life. Some days I feel unappreciated, invisible, insignificant, and overlooked by life. That's because during those times I'm looking to life to validate me. I'm counting on other people to tell me how important I am or how necessary my work is. It's human nature, I think, and man am I human. I have to remember that as a part of the Body of Christ, I'm significant to Him. He validates me, and He alone. The other parts of that Body can't make me whole, only my connection to Christ can do that. Although I serve a function just like all the other parts, the other parts will keep right on going even if I don't. So no big deal, right? But I think the Body as a whole works a tiny bit less efficiently if I'm not connected and working. And it works a tiny bit less efficiently if you're not connected and working, too. Together, as one whole Body, we can accomplish such amazing things. We can do what God has created us to do.

In Matthew 25 we read that the Kingdom is served when we serve he who appears to be the least among us. Just remember, that person that's so easy to dismiss could be the only mission God has for you today. As the lyrics go in Casting Crowns' song If We Are the Body:

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Don't forget, you were "them" once. Maybe you still are. Maybe none of this makes any sense at all right now. Whatever the case, try connecting somehow to the Body. Find a church that preaches the Bible and the story of Jesus Christ. Through Him, you can be validated.

And you will always be significant.

Peace,

Mike

From the Mouths of Babes (and Six-Year-Olds)

2009-01-04T00:37:00.008-05:00

Six-year-olds are absolutely amazing. Children in general are absolutely amazing.

We go through this ritual every Saturday before we leave for worship service at church. As we're getting our coats on, my son (six years old) will almost always ask "Do we have to sit through a service?". You see, my family worships on Saturday nights because of work schedules, but I normally try to get the kids back to church on Sunday morning for Sunday School. I like to go to Sunday School. So do they. But for a six-year-old it makes things confusing. He never knows for sure if we're going for worship service, (which he's required to sit through now that he's in school) or if we're going for Sunday School.

I remember when I was six and I had to sit through a service. Granted, in the Methodist church the service is only an hour long, but that's an eternity when there's a living room full of new stuff from Christmas waiting back home. But it seems my son has found signs to look for in church. He's apparently noticed things about the sanctuary when you walk in that tell you that today's service is different.

At our church, we celebrate communion the first weekend of each month. And when you walk into the sanctuary, you can see all the elements on the altar, wrapped and covered in clean, white linens. My son, who recently received communion for the first time, now recognizes those items. Tonight, shortly after the service began, my wife leaned over to me and said "Cameron asked me when we walked in if we were having community tonight". We both giggled a little, then we refocused on the opening music. I sat there for a while thinking about that, though. He doesn't know what the word community means. It's doubtful that he could use it in a sentence. He's heard us talk about communion before. What an interesting accident that was.

The word communion has its own Webster's entry, and its definition is not limited to the ceremony we practice at church. But I rarely use it for any other reason. Even more rarely do I hear it used by others for another reason. It seems it has lost its identity as anything but the bread and the cup for me. But to substitute community instead of communion really draws my attention. How incredible is it that together, as the body of Christ, we celebrate God's offering to us, His Son. And wherever you go, it's in groups large and small, together, that this celebration is held. My son, without knowing, taught me tonight that the gift of the bread and the cup is given to me as part of a community, not just as an individual.

So let's celebrate community together. Let's see if we can find hope in that same loaf and cup on the altar that tells my son that this is truly something different.

Peace and Blessings,

Mike

Where's your resolve?

2009-01-02T00:49:00.005-05:00

It's that time again. Time to decide what you'll do differently this year. Time to decide how you'll make things better for yourself, your family, your job, whatever.

The cliche that envelopes New Year's resolutions is hard to get past as I get older. For the last couple of years I haven't even made any. I tell myself it's silly. I know myself well enough to know that I'll only stick with it for a couple of weeks. Again, I find a reason to not face the things in my life that need work. The more times I resolve to change something about myself or improve myself or eliminate a bad habit, the more times I subject myself to the possibility of failure. And as I age, I reason that if I'm not going to succeed, I need not expend myself. Why waste the effort? It has become a little disheartening.

I'm sure glad that Jesus Christ felt differently than I do. I'm sure glad that when He knew what he had to do, He just did it. He did it all the way. He did it knowing what it would cost Him. He did it when everyone in His world told him no.....there's got to be another way.....

Heck, I bail out because there's a possibility of loss, pain, failure, suffering, etc. Christ knew he would die for us and He came anyway. He did it so that my shortcomings and failures are not what's important. He died so that I never need to be afraid of failing again. He died so that I don't need to make resolutions. I'm saved by His grace even if....no, because I'm imperfect. That's resolution. That's something to pay attention to.

You see, it's always seemed so right to keep trying to change everything until things fell perfectly into place. I've got news for you, things won't. Ever. Not on earth. What I'm learning to do is look at my world differently, not try to make my world look different. I think we waste too much time trying to perfect our situations when our situations are subject to how we live and how we look at ourselves. We just don't know how to look at ourselves as children of God. God hasn't created me so that I can try to change Creation. He created me to appreciate Creation. He created me to love Him. He created me so He could love me.

You know what? He did the same for you. He created you out of love, for the sake of love. He created us because together we can accomplish more than we can alone. He created us to be His body and His children....not so that we could go around trying to improve on what He's already done, but so that we can know that He is the Good Father. Do you encourage your children to try to change everything you've planned for them? Or do you want them to just be your children and appreciate that...to just know that you love them, and to just let you be the loving parent?

I will always think of things that I need to do better....respect the body that God has given me, speak more kindly, and shine brighter. But these are not improvements. These are things I was created to do but have chosen not to do. These are things that I should resolve daily to do. These are things that should become my nature, not a project or a checklist.

So let's do something together this year. Let's agree to stop trying to find different places to make us feel happy. Let's stop trying to change the landscape. Let's start looking at what's already here with new eyes. Let's let God do the creating and improving in the world and we'll watch for opportunities that He puts before us to show in practical, loving ways how awesome it is to be His child.

Happy New Year to all. I hope Jesus Christ finds a way into your heart and life so that you may experience all that He has for you.

Peace,

Mike

Watch What You Wish For

2008-12-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

As I sit here once again doing very little (watching some football, surfing the Internet, etc.), I can't believe how easy it is to get into the habit of doing nothing. I also can't believe how disgusting it feels. It feels like I an addiction.

During normal busy times I like to take a Sunday afternoon and relax a little....take advantage of a couple hours with nothing planned. I've even found myself wishing for times like this. But because my kids have taken turns with a nasty virus, there's been way too much idle time for me. At first I welcomed the opportunity to watch some movies with my kids. Play some video games together. I thought that some extra time to just be together would be great. And it has been. But what I'm noticing after several consecutive days of laziness is that in spite of the physical rebellion my body has waged against me, my mind now is addicted to this state of suspended animation. My body is sore from inactivity....it's crying out for some, any activity. This must be what atrophy feels like. I sit and I say to myself "I've got to get up and do something" but my mind just won't make it happen.

This has to be what happens when we sit idly on our faith. Apathy starts to set in. We care less about how (or if) others see God in our lives. The longer we fail to exercise our faith, the more likely it is to start to decay. Just like when you sit way too long doing nothing and your legs get sore, your faith can do the same thing. It gets stiff, tight, uncomfortable. If you're up and moving regularly to stay loose.....to stay ready.....your mind and body respond when you need them. If you stretch your faith, feed your soul and your spirit with Godly things regularly, they're ready for action when you need them. Have you ever noticed that if you do nothing for a long time, you start getting sleepy, tired, achy, even though you've done nothing? When your soul gets sleepy from inactivity, sin slips in.

Have you also noticed that when you get exercise regularly you feel more rested after a short break?

Make no mistake....it's not easy. It's a real battle to stay in it physically, mentally, and especially spiritually. It's really hard to resist the temptation to "reward" ourselves with some extra down time. That's not God that makes it that hard....that's the evil one. The devil loves nothing more than to see our passions sucked out of us by......nothing.

While I know that Sabbath is very important, and that it's a very good thing to spend time with our families without an agenda dictating our schedules, I also think that it's necessary to stay engaged, to stay connected during those times.

It's back to work for me tomorrow, so I'll get back on somewhat of a schedule. But it's another short work week. There's another long weekend coming. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm already a little concerned about that. My prayer for myself and for everyone else this week will be that we stay engaged during our down times.

I'd like to wish everyone a blessed 2009, and I hope that together we can keep the path clear to God's door in the months to come. If God is new to you and you're not sure about who Jesus Christ is or how he fits in your life, please find your way to church, or at least to the Bible. God's word is for everyone, and you might be surprised at how fitting The Word can be to whatever you're dealing with right now.

If you pray, I ask that you pray for someone that you've never prayed for before, or for someone that you're at odds with right now. It's surprising how hard it is to be mad at someone you're praying for!

Most of all, stay engaged.....feed your faith.....stretch your spirituality a little. You won't be disappointed with the results.

-Mike

Whiter than snow

2008-12-23T18:21:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas.

It never seems like enough. I tell someone "Merry Christmas" and I feel like I should also hand them something. Everyone seems to be struggling this year, struggling to be "merry". Everyone has either faced loss this year or is very close to someone who has. What are we supposed to do?

For what it's worth, I truly believe that we are in the midst of a cleansing process. We're being forced to live without things we've never considered losing before. Our area is especially hard-hit because of the industry on which our community thrives. Unemployment in this county ranks among the worst in the country. But as I've said before, I'm hearing more and more people starting to talk about their faith and how God may fit into their life. It's not uncommon for us to seek God when we're at a low point in our lives. So maybe God has created a sort of "global valley" to see if we can make our way back to Him. I don't know.....it just really seems like we're supposed to be getting a bigger message out of all this. We sang a song in church this weekend that had a line in it that I really like: "whiter than snow, whiter than snow, wash me and I shall be whiter than I've ever known". Maybe the timing of all this is meant to knock the dirt off of us so we can be washed clean again.

...Just a thought.

Merry Christmas...and I really do mean it.

Not My Plan

2008-12-18T14:16:00.000-05:00

It's been interesting lately to listen to people's reactions to current job and economic conditions. Many of the people I see regularly know that I'm a Christian and that I'm comfortable with God being in control of my life. Maybe that's why suddenly it seems that everyone wants to talk about God's plan. They want my opinion on God's plan for my life, as well as what I think God has planned for their life. But when I start to talk about how I think that God's plan for his people is something to be discovered in a relationship with Him, not decided over the break table, the response is usually the same: "I just wish He'd show me what I'm supposed to do about a job" or "I hope His plan includes health benefits".

I'll admit, I've wondered lately what's in store for me, too. But I keep coming back to the same thought - God's plan for my life can't possibly revolve around my job. My life has been pretty easy. In fact, I'd say it's been really easy. The biggest loss I've had to bear is my father dying when I was 37 and I wasn't ready for him to be gone. I can only describe my life until now as protected. I feel that I have been routed around all the things that could have (and in some cases should have) gone terribly wrong. As I walk with Christ my Savior, I just know that there is a fantastic purpose for my existence. And I can say with reasonable certainty that it's not so that I can simply work at my job. There will be a type of perfection that will surround something that I do in my lifetime, because it will be exactly what God wants me to do.

If you're unsure about what God's plan might be for you, I'd suggest a heartfelt prayer. God hears the prayers of His people, but be advised He's not the genie in the lamp. He doesn't grant wishes. If you pray for something specific to happen in your life, you'll need to be patient and know that even though you're sure it's in your best interest, it might not be something God deems necessary for you right now. I've started praying that He would simply prepare me for what He'll need me to do, empower me to make decisions that honor Him, and equip me and strengthen me to fend off all the things satan will send at me to distract me.

My Long Winter's Nap

2008-12-17T13:31:00.000-05:00

I've been asleep for so long. That's what it feels like. I've been sleeping, dozing, sort of meandering through life.

This time of year always makes me look back at what I've accomplished in the last 11 months. For many years, it led to feelings of failure because I wasn't making a lot more money after a year of hard work. For the last few years, however, I find myself thinking that I spent a whole year and really didn't further God's Kingdom at all. I list all the Bible studies, Sunday School classes, community service groups, church committees and prayer chains I was involved in. But in the end, we really don't know what that amounts to, do we? For me, it makes me feel better about myself. But does that mean that the kingdom was served by my actions?

This year, I wonder to myself if that mystery isn't by design. After all, we are human, especially me. If I knew that in the last 11 1/2 months there were 19 people who would find salvation because of something I did or said....I might be inclined to take a couple months off. I'd probably give myself a "high five". Maybe I'd just sleep a little, doze a little, meander a little. You know, as a reward for all my hard work. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that my Lord knows me well enough to keep that information to himself. This way, I feel I need to keep trying.

There will always be things that make me feel that I've fallen short. That's because I have. But these "things" are not God's plan for me. I've fallen short for the same reasons that everyone else has.....because I'm human. I've fallen short because I can't make it alone. I think I've fallen short because God wants me to need him.

So I try to stay awake. I try to get others around me to stay awake....to keep me company so that we don't miss opportunities to serve Him.