Fused

Several years ago, I made the decision to finally have my wisdom teeth pulled.  I had never had any problems with them, but they were all buried beneath the gum line, and my dentist had been bugging me for years to get them extracted before I had problems.  I'm not really afraid of stuff like that, but it was a hassle and an expense that was easy to put off for a long time.  Before the procedure, the oral surgeon listed all the things I needed to know about what he was going to do and what to expect afterwards.  I've always had a decent pain threshold, so I wasn't really worried about post-op trauma, but he said he was going to write a prescription for some pretty good pain killers anyway.  I was rendered unconscious, and the procedure commenced.  When I awoke, he asked how I felt, and since I was still numb from the injections, I told him I felt fine.  He proceeded to tell me that I needed to make sure that I filled the prescription, because he was sure I was going to be in tremendous pain because of the way he ended up having to extract the teeth.  He explained to me that the top two teeth came out pretty much as expected.  But he said that when he started to work on the bottom two, it became obvious that the x-rays had not showed the complete picture of the condition of the lower two teeth.  He found that since I had waited so long to have them extracted, the roots of the lower two teeth had fused themselves to my jawbone.  A skilled surgeon can handle things like that, but he told me that the risk in breaking them off was that my jawbone could be cracked in the process, creating a much larger problem.  Ultimately, he was able to successfully separate them from the bone, and the procedure was completed without additional complications.

I left his office and went immediately to get my pain medicine, fearing the worst when the local anesthesia wore off.  A short time later, as the anesthesia wore off, I could feel that the areas affected were tender, but I felt no real pain.  I ended up taking only a few Advil for a couple days, and the pain was never an issue.

I have recently recalled that event, and I can see a parallel to how we sometimes handle our feelings.  I think sometimes we have negative emotions that we're unable to process when we feel them because they seem either too big or too small to deal with.  So we bury those things inside ourselves, and we learn, over time, how to function without any further regard to them.  But when those emotions are associated with the deepest parts of us, whether we realize it or not the same thing can happen.  Those emotions can become fused to our core.  And we continue to live, knowing we need to deal with them, but we can function just fine with them where they are.  But a time will come, almost assuredly, when God will move us to extract them.  With that can come fear, anxiety, and sometimes anger.  God is the ultimate surgeon... the steadiest hand... But sometimes he uses other people to help with those extractions.  And that can create even more fear and anxiety.  We will second-guess our decision to proceed.  After all, things were okay just the way they were.  And we worry about the pain that may come afterwards.  But God is the ultimate healer.  And whether it's by his own hand, or by working through another, those deepest-seated emotions... fears... sorrows... can be carefully removed.  With care, they can be separated from our core and extracted.  And while there will still likely be pain and tenderness after, often times we find that it's far less severe than we had feared.  That healing pain is part of the overall process.  That healing pain can remind us of what has been removed, and can remind us that not all things taken away from us have to leave us less whole than what we were.  And not all things taken away from us have to be given to someone else to use as playthings.  These dark spots are extracted from us and cast away if that's what we allow God to do with them.

Our negative emotions get fused way down inside if we let them.  God can extract them, but that's a choice we're all allowed to make in our own time.  He's the Ultimate Surgeon, and the Ultimate Healer, and He desperately wants to help and heal us.

Peace,

Mike

Ashamed

I grew up in the United Methodist Church, and even as an adult, I've chosen to remain there for various reasons.  I've always liked the openness and the inclusive nature of the Methodist church, and until recently I've never questioned whether or not I belong there.  The pastors are never placed in churches permanently, and as a congregant I've always needed to remind myself that even when a really good pastor or pastoral team lands at the church I'm attending, it won't last forever.  The same holds true when a pastor or team is appointed that is disappointing to me for whatever reason.  I remind myself often that no church should rely solely on the strength of its pastor(s), nor should it die from their weaknesses.  I am, however, ashamed of the way some things are being handled these days in my own church, and it's raising some very powerful questions in my heart about denominational loyalty, true discipleship, and accountability among our current pool of pastors.

I think it's deplorable that someone appointed to lead others on their spiritual journey should use manipulation and degradation, fear, and guilt to further their own agenda for the church as a whole or for a specific project.  I have witnessed a pastor, who is leading a somewhat controversial project, using mockery and embarrassment to crush the spirits and opinions of those who have voiced concern or dissent over how this "experiment" is being conducted.  It effectively sends a message to anyone else who might be opposed to a particular course of action to "keep it to yourself, or this will happen to you, too".  This pastor, during a worship service, read to the congregation a few of the more benign opposing remarks for the other parishioners to laugh at.  And then he asked the congregation to chant in unison that these are not reasons to not move forward with the project.  I sat and listened, and watched, as my brothers and sisters in Christ chanted along as they laughed at the way the opposing opinions were presented.  And I almost threw up.  None of the really tough questions and concerns about the project were presented to the general congregation for review, only the ones he thought would get a laugh and would be easily dismissed as silly and petty.  I'm ashamed.  I'm ashamed of the leadership at my church.  And before you criticize me for publicly stating my misgivings, know this:  I have, in the past, voiced my opinions to our church leaders about my concerns about leadership practices such as these.  I was met with the following - "I don't require your acceptance or your agreement with any of the decisions that have been made regarding [this matter]".  And it's obvious that now our leaders are attempting to head off any further discussion about disagreement with a threat of public humiliation.  If I were the one that had taken any of those concerns to the senior staff at my home church, thinking they were legitimate concerns, and had been humiliated in that way by hearing my fellow congregants laugh at the notion, I don't know that I could ever trust those leaders again with anything that mattered to me.  This laughing and chanting behavior is despicable.  It's childish.  But worst of all, it's subliminal.  It's brainwashing people into believing that because the pastor says it's good, it's good.  When we all chant together, it sounds like everyone agrees.  And it's saying that if you're not in agreement with me/us, then you're against furthering the Kingdom.  For Pete's sake... who wants to be against that?

I've expressed my concerns about leadership at my church at the District Supervisor level on more than one occasion.  This is not the first time one of our leaders has done something that I thought was very, very wrong.  This is not all on one person or regarding one specific topic.  But on each occasion, I've been met with the same cold response....  "you should deal with this at local church level".  So I've confronted a pastor face-to-face, one-on-one and got nowhere.  I've talked with a few others that now feel (and have felt in the past) the same as I do on many of these issues, and to my knowledge, they've all been met with pretty much the same response.  I've prayed on this and the other issues that I struggle with at my church.  I've tried, not always successfully, to keep from poisoning the opinions of others when I'm not sure if I'm right to feel the way I do.  Heck, I've removed myself from all of the leadership roles and ministries I was involved in just to avoid infecting others.  Now I feel that all I can do is wait, continue to pray, and remember that the body of the church will always outlast its mortal leaders as strong or as questionable as they may be.  And more recently, I've started to wonder if maybe we, the body of the church, aren't supposed to be teaching our leaders some things.  When asking God how He could possibly want people in charge of our church that don't seem to care much about what the servants of the church think, I've heard the response "maybe this isn't about YOUR needs as a congregation... maybe I'm trying to teach these leaders something... Maybe I put them in this church because THEY need YOU guys...  Maybe I'm trying to remind them of WHY and WHOM they are serving".

Well, for Pete's sake... who wants to be against THAT?

Peace,

Mike