My Long Winter's Nap

I've been asleep for so long. That's what it feels like. I've been sleeping, dozing, sort of meandering through life.

This time of year always makes me look back at what I've accomplished in the last 11 months. For many years, it led to feelings of failure because I wasn't making a lot more money after a year of hard work. For the last few years, however, I find myself thinking that I spent a whole year and really didn't further God's Kingdom at all. I list all the Bible studies, Sunday School classes, community service groups, church committees and prayer chains I was involved in. But in the end, we really don't know what that amounts to, do we? For me, it makes me feel better about myself. But does that mean that the kingdom was served by my actions?

This year, I wonder to myself if that mystery isn't by design. After all, we are human, especially me. If I knew that in the last 11 1/2 months there were 19 people who would find salvation because of something I did or said....I might be inclined to take a couple months off. I'd probably give myself a "high five". Maybe I'd just sleep a little, doze a little, meander a little. You know, as a reward for all my hard work. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that my Lord knows me well enough to keep that information to himself. This way, I feel I need to keep trying.

There will always be things that make me feel that I've fallen short. That's because I have. But these "things" are not God's plan for me. I've fallen short for the same reasons that everyone else has.....because I'm human. I've fallen short because I can't make it alone. I think I've fallen short because God wants me to need him.

So I try to stay awake. I try to get others around me to stay awake....to keep me company so that we don't miss opportunities to serve Him.