Limousine

Who in their right mind doesn't like to ride in a limo? Doesn't it make you feel very special to ride in a vehicle like that? And when you see one driving around town, there are always those unspoken questions....Who is in there? What's so special about them?

I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding some things that are going on in my life. In fact, it was a conversation that I used to explain pretty much everything that was going on in my life. My friend asked me after an Administrative Board meeting at our church "So, how are you? You seemed like you were a million miles away in there. Are you alright?" That's a big question. It's an even bigger question when you don't realize that you appear to be so removed. Here's how I tried to explain to my friend what was actually going on:

My life is no more extraordinary than the next person's life. But my level of involvement with Jesus Christ is more in question now than ever before in my life. As I've written before, I'm just not sure in what direction I'm being pointed right now. I do know, however, that I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that my spiritual life is at some sort of tipping point. Whether or not that involves my vocation, I don't know. But I feel now like my spiritual life is on the front burner, but not without it's problems.

In my mind, I can see my spiritual life as a limousine.

It's the ride I want to be in. It's comfortable....roomy....safe....and just a little mysterious. It's the big shiny black thing that makes other people look and say Wow, who is that? What's going on with him that warrants a limo?"

But there's more to it. We've all seen limousines leaving weddings, right? We've seen them with the strings tied on to the back bumper, then attached to cans, right? So when the limo is going down the road, the cans bounce and clang and make all kinds of racket. I guess the intention is to announce that the couple inside has just been married and they want everyone to know it. But sometimes my spiritual limo feels like it has those cans tied to the back, too.

One string and can is my work. All I want is to be in this nice smooth, quiet ride up front, but there's this annoying job that is dragging behind making all kinds of noise and is almost an embarrassment at times. It's just one of those things that makes something beautiful (my spiritual life) look so gaudy and all too often pulls my attention away from the view up front.

Another string and can is my family. I'm not saying family is bad. I love my family. But it's not perfect. It takes work...and time. It's not gaudy by any means, and certainly not an embarrassment, but it is still something that is attached to my spiritual life that necessarily diverts my attention from what I feel can only be my ultimate purpose.

Yet another string and can is my own recreation. I still feel these waves of selfishness that make me want to separate and just do what I want to do, regardless of what is right or what is needed. I guess I could also just call it self. Not all the things I choose for recreation are bad. I like to exercise, spend time with friends, watch a movie, and so on. So what's wrong with that? Nothing, in moderation. But I have this tendency to over-indulge in myself. I can convince myself that I deserve it, and that normally clashes with what my spiritual life is calling me to do.

So in this limo I picture myself in the back seat enjoying the ride. But there are these cans...these annoying, distracting cans clanging around behind my ride. I picture myself looking out the back window in disgust, just wishing all these cans wouldn't make so much noise, or be such an obvious detraction from my limo.

I can then see myself standing behind the limo with a scissors....reaching to cut the strings....I can almost feel the relief of having nothing tied to the back of my limo. But then God steps in, and I see something else.

God tells me that severing all these things is not the answer. He wants me in the limo. He wants my spiritual life to be first and foremost. He wants me to give my life and myself to Him, but He wants me to know that my life in the natural is not entirely without purpose.

I see God opening the trunk of the limo, and carefully placing the cans and strings inside, still attached, but no longer dragging behind....no longer a distraction. Those are things that I can bring with me on my ride. They can't ride in front, but they need not be severed. Those things are part of who I am. Those things are all part of what God wants for me. They may be things that I need to learn to handle better. They may be things that need some fixing down the road. They may be things that God has put in my life for my benefit that I don't realize yet. Regardless, they are back there. But they're connected in a way that makes much more sense to me. I feel like I can stop looking back at them, trying to figure out how to deal with them.

And I must say....the view seems much nicer now out the front window of my limo.

Peace,

Mike