What kind of person were you twenty years ago? Would the people who knew you then agree with that?
Even at forty years old, it's still easy for me to think that I'm the same ol' guy I've always been. Most of the people I associated with twenty years ago are no longer part of my everyday life. In fact, I really hadn't thought much about most of those people until lately. I recently joined Facebook. I avoided it for a long time. I really never understood the attraction to online social networks. It just always seemed like so much time spent accomplishing so little. But some friends from church joined, and I started getting "friend requests".
Who knew I had 54 friends?
Anyway.....I was meandering around the site the other night and the little chat window at the bottom popped up and I was presented with a question from a classmate who had apparently read this blog. He asked: "This may be a dumb question, but were you a Christian in school?". I sat, silent, unable to believe that someone that knew me was asking that. My response was that yes, I was, and I had done the whole youth group/Youth for Christ/blah,blah,blah laundry list. I'm sure I sounded defensive. But later as I thought more about that, I tried to remember details about how I conducted myself in high school. I tried to remember how I wanted people then to see me. I tried to remember what motivated me twenty-some years ago. As some of those memories returned to me, all I can say is that I am so ashamed......
I told my "re-friend" (I think that's what I'll call all these great people I'm getting reacquainted with) that luckily we've all grown a little since then. But right now I still feel so inadequate because of the huge failures all those years ago. Why have I been spared from misery after behaving that way? I can only thank God for prevenient grace and unending forgiveness.
I knew the story of Jesus Christ back then. I was raised in the church. I liked Sunday School and Youth Group and accepted Christ at Sr. High Institute while in high school. And I told no one outside my group of friends from church about any of that. It makes me sick to think of all the people I might have reached then if I hadn't been so afraid to be honest. For me, I think that's what it boiled down to. I was more worried about being labeled and cast aside than I was about God's call to me to shine in all the dark places I can. I lied...not just to myself, but to everyone around me. I just wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be liked (that didn't always work, either-I have a wretched sense of humor sometimes). I just wanted to absorb life as it came to me.
Sound familiar?
I serve a God of second chances. I have the opportunity to redeem myself every day I open my eyes. Share this mission with me: I will shine in all the dark places I can - I will not be ruled by my sinful nature again. I will fall, but He will lift me up. I will fight this fight with all that I am. I have decided that God is real and so is His son, Jesus Christ, and all that the Bible says is true and I won't deny that Truth or fear proclaiming it. I will tell people I am a Christian and I will act in a manner that supports that fact.
Share this mission with me......hold me accountable. We can do this, I know it. We were built for this.
To my "re-friend" that asked me the question that night-I'm sorry I wasn't better back then. Maybe together we could have reached more people.
And to all of you who know me-this is it. This is what you get with me. This is the new face I choose to wear. The old me is still around, but there's work being done under the hood.
Peace,
Mike
No comments:
Post a Comment