My Friend

I'd like to tell you about my friend.

I have this friend.  He's been a friend of mine longer than I can remember.  He was my friend when I was a little boy, and we managed to stay friends through my teen years and into adulthood.  This was a guy who, when he saw me doing something stupid just quietly reminded me that I knew better, that my parents raised me better than that.  Most of the time, I acknowledged his opinion, but went on being an idiot.  For some reason, he still wanted to be my friend.

I went off to college for a short while and did some really stupid things.  I still thought about my friend from time to time, and I knew that he would probably give me some sound advice about my behavior if he were there, but I really kind of kept my distance for awhile.  I knew from the past that he would still be my friend later, and I was having fun.

College ended pretty early for me and I came home and started working full time, moved into my own place, and just kept being an idiot.  By now I was only seeing my friend three or four times a year, and when we did talk, it was kind of uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say anymore.  I didn't really feel like I knew him well enough any more to just "hang out".  But we always assured each other that we wouldn't forget about each other and that we were still friends, even if just barely.

I lived alone for over ten years, and during that time I went through some really shallow, dangerous relationships.  Somehow I managed to stay out of trouble.  Many things could have gone wrong, but nothing did.  No legal trouble, no kids outside of marriage, no dependency, no nothing.  I didn't see much of my friend at all during that time, but I knew that it was because I wasn't making the effort.  I talked to several people during that period of my life who told me that my friend was still around, and that he was concerned for me because of how I was living.  As usual, I respected his concern and his opinion, but I continued doing things my way.

I got married, bought a house, and started a family.  Still there were no big problems, no tragedy, no big hurdles. 

As happens often when people reach this particular stage in life, something clicked and I felt the need to get back to church.  Not for my sake, but for my children, of course.  I was raised in the church...I knew the story and the routine.  So off I went to find a church that was convenient near where we lived.  While "shopping" at Trinity UMC, would you believe I ran into my friend. And for the first time in fifteen years, I felt like it was time I made the effort to get reacquainted with him.  That was roughly 2004.  In May of 2006, my father was diagnosed with cancer and was given just a short time to live.  

This part of the story could sound very tragic.....but I had my friend with me.  For some reason, God chose to reunite me with my friend at just the right time to rebuild a relationship that would truly support me through the only thing in my life that could be called "tragedy".   I had developed an incredible relationship with my father through working together for 8 years.  As his condition worsened, my friend continually showed me how to find God's work in what was happening with my family.  He showed me how my mother loved my father in a 1 Corinthians kind of way....doing first and feeling later.  He showed me how all the people around my family rallied to support us in our time of greatest need.  He showed me God's mercy in ending a life after six months of illness that could have gone on in misery and pain for years.  My friend did that for me.  He gave me the strength to tell my unconscious father that it was o.k. to go....that I would take care of the family, that he didn't need to fight any more.  He gave me the opportunity to watch him take his last breath less than one minute after I said those words to him.  I've never needed more closure than that.  My friend gave me the ultimate gift at the low point of my adult life.  He gave me Peace.

My friend has been giving me gifts since I was a baby.  He did things for me while I wasn't paying attention to him.  He has always been my friend, even when we didn't talk.  I've asked my friend if I could talk about him in my blog and he was very comfortable with that.  I asked him if I could offer his friendship to all the people I come in contact with, and he is very excited about that.  I warned him that many people may take him up on his offer of friendship and support....again he thinks that will be great.  So I offer you the opportunity to have a friend that I've had my whole life.  He'll be there when you need him, and also when you think you don't.

Oh...one more thing....my friends name......

                                                           Jesus Christ. 

He's my Saviour, He's my brother, He's my everything.  He said to tell you that if you need Him....just visit your local church.  If they preach the Word of God, you'll surely find Him.

Peace,

Mike

The New Face of the Old Me

What kind of person were you twenty years ago? Would the people who knew you then agree with that?

Even at forty years old, it's still easy for me to think that I'm the same ol' guy I've always been. Most of the people I associated with twenty years ago are no longer part of my everyday life. In fact, I really hadn't thought much about most of those people until lately.  I recently joined Facebook. I avoided it for a long time. I really never understood the attraction to online social networks. It just always seemed like so much time spent accomplishing so little. But some friends from church joined, and I started getting "friend requests".  

Who knew I had 54 friends?

Anyway.....I was meandering around the site the other night and the little chat window at the bottom popped up and I was presented with a question from a classmate who had apparently read this blog.  He asked: "This may be a dumb question, but were you a Christian in school?".  I sat, silent, unable to believe that someone that knew me was asking that.  My response was that yes, I was, and I had done the whole youth group/Youth for Christ/blah,blah,blah laundry list.  I'm sure I sounded defensive.  But later as I thought more about that, I tried to remember details about how I conducted myself in high school.  I tried to remember how I wanted people then to see me.  I tried to remember what motivated me twenty-some years ago.  As some of those memories returned to me, all I can say is that I am so ashamed......

I told my "re-friend" (I think that's what I'll call all these great people I'm getting reacquainted with) that luckily we've all grown a little since then.  But right now I still feel so inadequate because of the huge failures all those years ago.  Why have I been spared from misery after behaving that way?  I can only thank God for prevenient grace and unending forgiveness.  

I knew the story of Jesus Christ back then.  I was raised in the church.  I liked Sunday School and Youth Group and accepted Christ at Sr. High Institute while in high school.  And I told no one outside my group of friends from church about any of that.  It makes me sick to think of all the people I might have reached then if I hadn't been so afraid to be honest.  For me, I think that's what it boiled down to.  I was more worried about being labeled and cast aside than I was about God's call to me to shine in all the dark places I can.  I lied...not just to myself, but to everyone around me.  I just wanted to fit in.  I just wanted to be liked (that didn't always work, either-I have a wretched sense of humor sometimes).  I just wanted to absorb life as it came to me.

Sound familiar?

I serve a God of second chances.  I have the opportunity to redeem myself every day I open my eyes.  Share this mission with me:  I will shine in all the dark places I can - I will not be ruled by my sinful nature again.  I will fall, but He will lift me up.  I will fight this fight with all that I am.  I have decided that God is real and so is His son, Jesus Christ, and all that the Bible says is true and I won't deny that Truth or fear proclaiming it.  I will tell people I am a Christian and I will act in a manner that supports that fact.

Share this mission with me......hold me accountable.  We can do this, I know it.  We were built for this.

To my "re-friend" that asked me the question that night-I'm sorry I wasn't better back then.  Maybe together we could have reached more people.

And to all of you who know me-this is it.  This is what you get with me.  This is the new face I choose to wear.  The old me is still around, but there's work being done under the hood.

Peace,

Mike