Sophie, The Beeping Dog

Our neighbors have a new dog. Her name is Sophie, and she is very cute. She is a Bichon Frise, and for those of you who don't know what they look like (I had no idea, before I met Sophie), I've included a photo. Recently I was getting ready to mow our grass, and my wife said "Now you know Janet & Will got a new dog, right? Her name is Sophie. So if you see her, be nice. Oh, and don't call her over to the fence if she's out". I was going to ask why I couldn't call her over to the fence, because I'm a dog lover and it seemed cruel to just stand and look from afar at a dog that cute. But she continued with her explanation: "They have one of those buried fence things." In my mind, I was already forming the image of me calling the dog over to the chain-link fence to pet her and watching in horror as 240 volts of electricity coursed through her body and turned her rigid before my eyes. What a terrible thought. But my wife continued: "They don't use the shocker thing, but when she starts to get close to the buried wire, her beeper starts going off. Then she knows she's too close to the edge." How very cool is that? I thought to myself. As it turned out, Sophie was inside for the afternoon while I mowed, so my yard work was completed without incident. But I kept rolling that idea around in my head for several more days.

Since that day I've been mildly obsessed with the idea of having something attached to our person that would warn us when we're about to get in trouble. Something to let me know I'm close to danger. Something to remind me when there's a hidden boundary in front of me that I really shouldn't cross. I keep thinking that if there was something that would ring or "beep" when I was about to click on a very bad link on the Internet, or an alarm that would go off right before I use foul language at work, I could avoid a lot of the sin in my life. Sophie is so lucky, I think to myself, I want a beeper, too.

Jump to one week later. I'm at work, in the middle of solving a mini crisis, and I go to one of the other managers to ask if they'll come and help me. After all, I'm always willing to help them, and I've got a bigger problem than they do right now, so why wouldn't they help? But I asked, and then got the response "Nah, I really have a lot of stuff I need to get done today." And they turned back away and continued to do....nothing. I was walking away, fuming, seething, forming all the right things to say to verbally abuse this guy, and as I turned back around to let him have it, a very strange thing happened....

My "beeper" went off.

I stood there, very aware of what was happening to me physically, and felt as if my entire being was screaming at me STOP! No good can possibly come of this. I realized that the little hairs on the back of my neck were standing up as I listened to that little voice inside. But I was also breathing faster, my fists were clenched, I was biting my own teeth so hard my temples hurt, and I have to believe my face was red. But my beeper was still going off. Relax. Walk away. This isn't a fight you need to fight. This is not a new thing, so why is it affecting you this way now? And that was it. Hands relaxed, breathing slowed, face back to normal color, I turned and walked away. It wasn't until several hours later that I made the connection between Sophie's beeper and the little hairs on the back of my neck.

I've had that feeling before, but not always in times of extreme anger or anxiety. I normally feel that when I'm talking to someone about my relationship with Jesus. Or I feel it when I give a short message at church about something I'm passionate about. And sometimes I feel it when I do something very good for someone without anyone knowing about it. Sometimes I feel it while I'm typing a post for this blog. I've always professed that I feel that when the Holy Spirit is close....when I'm in tune with God...when I'm doing something very right. I've always believed that feeling was directly connected to my conscience, thereby making my conscience the medium through which the Holy Spirit guides me and lets me know when I'm on the right track. But this was the first time I felt it when I was facing something that was dark, bad, and just ugly. I've never thought to ask God for that type of Early Warning System. I've always just asked Him to forgive me for leaning into sin, shoulder first, thinking I'm strong enough to resist.

Lead us not into temptation....

I should have known that He could help us avoid bad things sometimes. I should have known that I'm not doomed to failure every time I'm faced with that possibility.

And deliver us from evil....

Deliver us. Deliver me. Not just "fix me after I break myself", but deliver me, unharmed, back to the folds of the saved.

We have a beeper. God gave us an Early Warning System. It's probably something a little different in all of us. Maybe your beeper batteries are dead. Maybe you don't hear the "beep" and you need to tune in to God a little closer like I needed to do. But we've all got a beeper. God hasn't set us up to fail. Granted, we realize how badly we need Him when we do, but He takes no pleasure in our failures, injuries, or shortcomings.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm not jealous of Sophie any more either. I've got a beeper, too. I just wish I was as cute as she is.

Peace,

Mike

New - Part Two

This is Part II of a post from 10-2-2009. Click here to read Part I.

I was standing in the kitchen a day or two after I had prayed for God to take control of my health and lead me to whoever or whatever would help me restore my health. My wife said to me, somewhat out of the blue, "have you ever considered checking out that weight loss program at the hospital?" "Yes, but it's very expensive. I don't know if we can afford it" I answered. Her reply was something like "might not hurt to just check it out". Those were probably the strongest words she could have spoken to me that day. I needed to know that someone else was concerned, too, so that it wasn't just me doing it for me. So I decided that would be the starting point. I went to the free introductory meeting, got the information and the prices, and went home and started thinking about how that could work.

I did the math and found that by eliminating all of the destructive eating that I was doing, I freed up exactly enough money weekly to cover the cost of the program.

What a coincidence.

There were some preliminary tests to be done so that the administrators had a solid reference point, but I had just had most of those same tests done by my family physician, so all of those results were available with minimal effort or additional cost.

Again, what a coincidence.

The first night that I went, I saw a friend from church that was just starting, too. She and I both said that it was so nice to see a familiar face and it would be great to have someone we each knew to help with accountability.

Just another coincidence, I suppose.

And it started. Just like that. I started the program June 15th, 2009. I lost 13 pounds the first week. And it just kept coming off. I would weigh myself at night before bed, then again when I got up in the morning. I would smile, sometimes almost laugh as I thanked God and looked at the numbers on the scale. I lost weight every day...every week. A couple weeks into it, I started feeling a wave of energy that lasted longer than I had ever experienced. I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't wear myself out at work. I couldn't seem to find enough things to do to exhaust myself. Within a week of first feeling that, one of the administrators of the program handed out a twelve week training program for running. "No way. The only way you'll catch me running is if the pizza guy forgets to leave my breadsticks" was my canned response to running. The program is a walk-to-run training regimen that takes someone who doesn't run from walking to running 5k (3.1 miles) in twelve weeks. Having never been an athlete, I was skeptical. I just assumed that all those programs were for people who were already athletic. I showed it to my wife, and she said that if I was going to do it, she wanted to do it with me.

What a coincidence.

The first time the training called for a thirty second run, I thought I would die. I smoked for twenty years. I was still overweight, but that was changing fast. But we stayed with it. We did it 6 nights a week, just like the plan called for. Our kids went with us on nights where there wasn't much running. And I ran. We ran. We started to schedule things around our training, leaving enough time to fit it in every day. And the schedule held. Our lives didn't fall apart or become impossible to coordinate, even though we had just added in a new daily task. We both felt good, and it worked.

What a coincidence.

On a cold, rainy Sunday in July, my wife said she really didn't want to go out and run in the rain. We have a good treadmill that had seen very little use beyond the first two weeks in January every year, so she was going to do her time on the treadmill. Obviously, we can't run together on the treadmill, so I told her I was going to run outside. I walked out, stood in the driveway, and thought to myself:

You've never run a mile in your life. You've never even run just to see how far you can run. This running thing isn't as bad as you thought. You should just run today. Just run.

So I did. I ran. And it felt good, really good. At a mile and a half, I smiled. I looked up and said "look at me, God, I'm running. You've got me running!" Guess how far I ran that night? Yep, 3.1 miles. Five weeks into a twelve week program, I ran 3.1 miles. And the weight just kept coming off.

What a coincidence.

Since then I've run in four 5k events, winning third in my age group at one of those. My wife and I have run two of those together, and we have one more scheduled for October 10. I started a 10k training program three weeks ago, and I'm running about twenty miles a week now. I ride a bicycle and I kayak. I'm not trying to drag out a list of all my accomplishments. These are not MY accomplishments. If you go back and read my early posts, you'll notice that there's no mention of any of this before now. This is new. This is God's prescription for my health. And I can't help but feel that it came just in time.

What a coincidence.

At the beginning of the weight loss program, I had to set a goal weight. I didn't want to get wrapped up in the numbers, but I understood that there has to be a goal. I set my goal weight at 200 lbs. At that time, I was almost 270. The NP told me that 200 would be a healthy weight for me, so that's what went in the book. On September 23, 2009, fifteen weeks into the program, I weighed in at 198 lbs. That was a little over two weeks ago. I've continued to lose weight in those two weeks, and I continue to run with my wife. Here's some more of my numbers/stats/info:

Blood pressure going in: 145/85
Blood pressure now: 106/62

Resting heart rate going in: 90
Resting heart rate now: 50

Cholesterol down 70 points
Blood sugar dead-center in "normal" range

Over 27 total inches of body dimension eliminated (neck, chest, waist, and thighs)

Waist size going in: 40-42
Waist size now: 34

Shirt/jacket size going in: XXL/50 regular
Shirt/jacket size now: MEDIUM/ 42-43 regular

No more antidepressant medication
No more triglyceride medication
Cholesterol medication under review, possibly removing it, too

I've had surgery on both of my hands this summer, relieving some long-standing pain and symptoms form Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I've had a torn rotator cuff that's scheduled for surgery on October 15, 2009. I also have a 10k race schedule for 9 days after that. Should be interesting.

So, what is my point in sharing all of this? Well, like I said, it's been a year of renewal and repair for me. And it's all been at God's direction. All of this just feels as though, like I've written before, God is staging me for something bigger. There may not be a clear path ahead of me yet, but He's trying to give me a sense of direction. Maybe a starting point. I don't know. But it feels like a new direction. It's kind of funny.....the name of the program I'm in at the hospital is called New Direction.

What a coincidence.

Peace,

Mike

New - Part One

I turned forty this year. I still don't have the urge to go out a buy a convertible sports car, get a tattoo, or sell everything and travel to Spain, so I guess I'm not officially in my "mid-life crisis" yet. I don't feel old. In fact it's been a year of renewal and repair for me. And I guess I'd like to explain that.

Some of you who actually read this know me personally. Some of you knew me a long time ago, but haven't seen me for awhile. Others, I'm assuming, don't know me from Adam, but are accidentally reading this. Anyway, here's the story of my year so far, mostly regarding my physical health.

First off, I want to establish the fact that I'm not an athlete, nor have I ever been one. I played no sports in school. None. Ever. I was more interested in getting home and heading out into the woods near our house and splashing down the creek bed with my best friend. I started working a "real" job at age fifteen, and I think I worked pretty hard. For the most part, I've worked physically hard at most everything I've done. But I've also had this appetite my whole adult life that seemed to be a force bent on destroying me physically. When I combined 20+ years of being really physical (not athletic or healthy) with 20+ years of eating all my favorite comfort foods (pizza, pasta, chips, etc.) I found myself in the worst physical shape of my life at the end of last year. There have been other conditions that may have contributed to my condition then, like arthritis, but for the most part it was the result of two decades of filling myself with enormous amounts of very unhealthy foods and drinks, along with smashing my body into everything in front of me just to prove that even though I was very overweight, I was strong.

The arthritis over the winter left me feeling unable to do anything physically. You can read my very first post "My Long Winter's Nap" to get an idea of where I was at that time. I had all the excuses I needed to just continue to become Earth's version of Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. But God awakened me just enough to start looking for relief from the arthritis. The medicine is out there, but it's very, very expensive. Guess what? My insurance company covered it, minus a thirty dollar copay. Eight thousand dollars every 6 weeks, and they covered it. The results were almost immediate. Relief from the pain came almost immediately. I rode that wave for several months, feeling pretty good about myself. But the weight gain continued. I still ate and drank everything I wanted, whenever I wanted. I'd ask my wife if my weight bothered her. She was always kind enough to say "no". So I'd tell myself that I was o.k. even though I had to hold my breath to bend over and tie my shoes in the morning. Naturally, I started outgrowing clothes. At that time (April-May 2009) I was pushing 270 lbs. I'm 5'9" tall. When I went to our local box store to buy some clothes, I found I had then moved into the "extended sizes" and was going to have to start paying an extra $2-$5 for each article of clothing. There was a reckoning that day. I bought a couple of shirts and pairs of pants that fit, but vowed to try to change.

I think that's the point where I normally started losing the battle. I'm assuming that many folks out there know what I mean. There's some short-term resolve that comes when you're in that condition, but it's normally very short-term. And it's immediately followed by a sense of failure and a loss of self respect. I saw friends at church and work that were enrolled in a weight loss program at our local hospital and were losing weight rapidly, were exercising and really having fun. I wanted that. But when I inquired about the cost, I immediately discounted that as a possibility. So I continued to wonder how I could possibly fix it. In May of this year, my blood sugar was high enough that I was begging my doctor not to label me diabetic...."just mark me 'glucose intolerant' or whatever. I can fix this, I just need time". My blood pressure was up to 145/90, and my doctor was also talking about medication for that. I was already on cholesterol medication, triglyceride medication, and anti-depressants. Can any of you relate?

Then came my God moment.

Near the end of May, I was really losing the battle. The arthritis was no longer limiting me, but I was limiting me. Again, for a snapshot of where I was emotionally at that time, see my post "It's In There". So I prayed. That's a pretty novel idea, huh? I realized something as I tried to ask God for help regarding my physical condition. For a very long time I've known that I can give things up to God and He helps. I've seen it happen. I'm very comfortable with that arrangement. I'm also very aware of my limitations as His child, a created being. But it occurred to me very vividly that day that my physical being...my body...my health...was something that I had never considered giving Him control of. I guess in my mind, I was to be the steward of my body. To go to Him and admit that I ruined what He gave me to care for was something I had been unwilling to do.

So that was my prayer. "Father, I've ruined this machine you built for me. I thought that I knew better than you how to take care of it. I've readily given you control all the things in my life that weren't right, except this. I realize now that you created this body, so no one but you would know how to keep it working. Please show me how I can restore this body physically to a point that pleases You, not others, and is a testament to your love for me." It was mere days after that prayer that everything started to change.

I'll end Part I here just so none of you fall asleep. You can click here to read Part II.

Peace,

Mike