Frozen

Frozen. That's what I was. It was a very strange feeling for me because I'm a decision-maker, yet this seems to be happening more often right now.

I don't mean frozen as in cold, I mean frozen as in stuck in one spot. I was unable to move for a few seconds, unable to speak or think. My assistant stood in front of me waiting for me to answer her question "what do you want me to do now". I couldn't answer. There were too many things that all needed to be done first.

Our spiritual lives can become the same way. We can get so overloaded with what we want to do that we lose sight of what we need to do. Our souls get frozen, unable to function, because we're so committed to the mechanics of living that we have no spiritual life.

Jesus invites us to live with Him, to rest in Him, all the time, everywhere we go. He allows us to unclutter our lives so that we can focus on what matters. He's waiting for us to get out of our own way and let our hearts and souls find joy in Him.

It's time for me to thaw out and let my soul rest in Christ for a while. How about you?

Peace,

Mike

My Friend

I'd like to tell you about my friend.

I have this friend.  He's been a friend of mine longer than I can remember.  He was my friend when I was a little boy, and we managed to stay friends through my teen years and into adulthood.  This was a guy who, when he saw me doing something stupid just quietly reminded me that I knew better, that my parents raised me better than that.  Most of the time, I acknowledged his opinion, but went on being an idiot.  For some reason, he still wanted to be my friend.

I went off to college for a short while and did some really stupid things.  I still thought about my friend from time to time, and I knew that he would probably give me some sound advice about my behavior if he were there, but I really kind of kept my distance for awhile.  I knew from the past that he would still be my friend later, and I was having fun.

College ended pretty early for me and I came home and started working full time, moved into my own place, and just kept being an idiot.  By now I was only seeing my friend three or four times a year, and when we did talk, it was kind of uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say anymore.  I didn't really feel like I knew him well enough any more to just "hang out".  But we always assured each other that we wouldn't forget about each other and that we were still friends, even if just barely.

I lived alone for over ten years, and during that time I went through some really shallow, dangerous relationships.  Somehow I managed to stay out of trouble.  Many things could have gone wrong, but nothing did.  No legal trouble, no kids outside of marriage, no dependency, no nothing.  I didn't see much of my friend at all during that time, but I knew that it was because I wasn't making the effort.  I talked to several people during that period of my life who told me that my friend was still around, and that he was concerned for me because of how I was living.  As usual, I respected his concern and his opinion, but I continued doing things my way.

I got married, bought a house, and started a family.  Still there were no big problems, no tragedy, no big hurdles. 

As happens often when people reach this particular stage in life, something clicked and I felt the need to get back to church.  Not for my sake, but for my children, of course.  I was raised in the church...I knew the story and the routine.  So off I went to find a church that was convenient near where we lived.  While "shopping" at Trinity UMC, would you believe I ran into my friend. And for the first time in fifteen years, I felt like it was time I made the effort to get reacquainted with him.  That was roughly 2004.  In May of 2006, my father was diagnosed with cancer and was given just a short time to live.  

This part of the story could sound very tragic.....but I had my friend with me.  For some reason, God chose to reunite me with my friend at just the right time to rebuild a relationship that would truly support me through the only thing in my life that could be called "tragedy".   I had developed an incredible relationship with my father through working together for 8 years.  As his condition worsened, my friend continually showed me how to find God's work in what was happening with my family.  He showed me how my mother loved my father in a 1 Corinthians kind of way....doing first and feeling later.  He showed me how all the people around my family rallied to support us in our time of greatest need.  He showed me God's mercy in ending a life after six months of illness that could have gone on in misery and pain for years.  My friend did that for me.  He gave me the strength to tell my unconscious father that it was o.k. to go....that I would take care of the family, that he didn't need to fight any more.  He gave me the opportunity to watch him take his last breath less than one minute after I said those words to him.  I've never needed more closure than that.  My friend gave me the ultimate gift at the low point of my adult life.  He gave me Peace.

My friend has been giving me gifts since I was a baby.  He did things for me while I wasn't paying attention to him.  He has always been my friend, even when we didn't talk.  I've asked my friend if I could talk about him in my blog and he was very comfortable with that.  I asked him if I could offer his friendship to all the people I come in contact with, and he is very excited about that.  I warned him that many people may take him up on his offer of friendship and support....again he thinks that will be great.  So I offer you the opportunity to have a friend that I've had my whole life.  He'll be there when you need him, and also when you think you don't.

Oh...one more thing....my friends name......

                                                           Jesus Christ. 

He's my Saviour, He's my brother, He's my everything.  He said to tell you that if you need Him....just visit your local church.  If they preach the Word of God, you'll surely find Him.

Peace,

Mike

The New Face of the Old Me

What kind of person were you twenty years ago? Would the people who knew you then agree with that?

Even at forty years old, it's still easy for me to think that I'm the same ol' guy I've always been. Most of the people I associated with twenty years ago are no longer part of my everyday life. In fact, I really hadn't thought much about most of those people until lately.  I recently joined Facebook. I avoided it for a long time. I really never understood the attraction to online social networks. It just always seemed like so much time spent accomplishing so little. But some friends from church joined, and I started getting "friend requests".  

Who knew I had 54 friends?

Anyway.....I was meandering around the site the other night and the little chat window at the bottom popped up and I was presented with a question from a classmate who had apparently read this blog.  He asked: "This may be a dumb question, but were you a Christian in school?".  I sat, silent, unable to believe that someone that knew me was asking that.  My response was that yes, I was, and I had done the whole youth group/Youth for Christ/blah,blah,blah laundry list.  I'm sure I sounded defensive.  But later as I thought more about that, I tried to remember details about how I conducted myself in high school.  I tried to remember how I wanted people then to see me.  I tried to remember what motivated me twenty-some years ago.  As some of those memories returned to me, all I can say is that I am so ashamed......

I told my "re-friend" (I think that's what I'll call all these great people I'm getting reacquainted with) that luckily we've all grown a little since then.  But right now I still feel so inadequate because of the huge failures all those years ago.  Why have I been spared from misery after behaving that way?  I can only thank God for prevenient grace and unending forgiveness.  

I knew the story of Jesus Christ back then.  I was raised in the church.  I liked Sunday School and Youth Group and accepted Christ at Sr. High Institute while in high school.  And I told no one outside my group of friends from church about any of that.  It makes me sick to think of all the people I might have reached then if I hadn't been so afraid to be honest.  For me, I think that's what it boiled down to.  I was more worried about being labeled and cast aside than I was about God's call to me to shine in all the dark places I can.  I lied...not just to myself, but to everyone around me.  I just wanted to fit in.  I just wanted to be liked (that didn't always work, either-I have a wretched sense of humor sometimes).  I just wanted to absorb life as it came to me.

Sound familiar?

I serve a God of second chances.  I have the opportunity to redeem myself every day I open my eyes.  Share this mission with me:  I will shine in all the dark places I can - I will not be ruled by my sinful nature again.  I will fall, but He will lift me up.  I will fight this fight with all that I am.  I have decided that God is real and so is His son, Jesus Christ, and all that the Bible says is true and I won't deny that Truth or fear proclaiming it.  I will tell people I am a Christian and I will act in a manner that supports that fact.

Share this mission with me......hold me accountable.  We can do this, I know it.  We were built for this.

To my "re-friend" that asked me the question that night-I'm sorry I wasn't better back then.  Maybe together we could have reached more people.

And to all of you who know me-this is it.  This is what you get with me.  This is the new face I choose to wear.  The old me is still around, but there's work being done under the hood.

Peace,

Mike

Dare To Be "Normal"

I've always considered myself to be just a normal, average guy. When we started a family, I really wanted to be a better-than-average parent. I wanted to be the kind of parent whose children announce to the world "I have the GREATEST dad in the world". As it turns out, my wife and I are pretty good parents. But I don't foresee any public announcements from our kids any time soon. They see things a little differently right now.

About a week ago the four of us were on our way home from church when a necessary discussion broke out regarding our 9-year-old daughter's bedroom. You see, she's our creative spirit....our actress, singer, dancer, dreamer....you know the type. She's incredible and I love her. But she won't clean her room. She won't clean anything. She empties her book bag once a semester and we have to rent a dump truck to get rid of all the papers and "other stuff" that she has collected in her bag for three months. Anyway, we had to have a discussion about how things were going to start looking in her social life if she was not willing to clean up after herself at home. As sometimes happens, our "discussion" escalated into an argument. My wife and I told her that we were going to have to start taking fun things away from her if she wasn't willing to do her part. As we pulled into the garage, that last thing she screamed at us before she stomped inside and up to her room was "I HATE it when you guys are NORMAL parents. I like it better when you're the OTHER way!" At the time, I had no idea what she meant. Neither did my wife. We laughed, but neither of us really knew why that was funny.

The next day, I asked my daughter again what she had said....I honestly couldn't remember what words she had used. She repeated it...verbatim. It was still fresh in her memory. I asked her what she meant by "normal". She said "you know....the kind of parents that have rules and make you do stuff you're supposed to do even if you don't want to". I asked what the "other way" was. She said "you know....the kind of parents that let you do what you want....the kind of parents that are fun".

So there we are. That's what we all want, isn't it? We all want a Father that looks out for us, protects us, loves us, and lets us do whatever we want, right? We don't need the lessons. We don't need the discipline. We think that discipline is the same as punishment. We think that the rules and the Law are the bad guys.

Have you ever been pulled over by the police? Let's assume that you always wear your seat belt but you took it off to get your wallet out at the drive-thru and forgot to buckle back up. You get stopped. The officer scolds you for not wearing your belt. Your first reaction? Probably a legitimate excuse. You get the ticket anyway. Now you think the law is stupid, right? And that cop....what a jerk, right? That's how we think sometimes (at least I do...Maybe I'm the only one). The rules are fine until we're caught breaking them. Did you think the seat belt law was stupid when you were wearing yours? Was the officer a jerk when he was pulling someone else over for breaking a law?

We have to remember that God's Law is not going to save us any more than man's laws. Only giving our lives to God can save us. The laws are simply a warning.....Look, I've seen this happen when you do that and it can hurt you.....please don't do this, I don't like to see you get hurt. The Law does not make the evil or the sin go away. It merely tells us that someone before us has learned something the hard way and they don't want us to have to learn it that way, too. It tells us that we need to change our behavior to avoid the consequences. And if we break the rules, there will be consequences. The discipline that comes when we break those rules is meant to help, and to heal, and to teach....just like we try to teach our own children.

Jesus Christ learned it all for us....the hard way. He says we should love our God with all our heart, mind, and soul. He says we should love each other. Don't you suppose he tells us these things because He knows what's in store for us if we follow the rules? And don't you suppose that He knows what's in store for us if we don't follow them?

There's the beauty of having a Father like our God. He's normal. He wants to be the kind of Father whose children proclaim to all the world:

"I HAVE THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD!"

Peace,

Mike

The Left-Hand Pinkie is Part of the Body, Too!

I have a finger that's smashed......really smashed. I smashed my little finger on my left hand Friday at work. I really smashed it. I was wrenching on an air compressor, really leaning on it and thinking "this wrench is going to slip and I'm going to rip all the skin off my knuckles". The wrench slipped. But I had gloves on, so no skin left my body. But man.....did I mention that I really smashed it?

For an hour following that, I was obsessed with it. It hurt, and it immediately started to change colors. It's all black under the fingernail now. It's swelled up enough that when I bend it, it feels like it's going to pop. I smashed it hard enough that a little blood squeezed out through the fingertip without actually cutting the skin.

In my mind, this is ridiculous. I mean, c'mon, it's the little finger on my left hand, and I'm right-handed. Let me tell you, that finger is really something I've taken for granted for far too long. I went to tie my shoes today and broke a sweat in the process because it was such an ordeal. Later, when I changed clothes for church I tucked my shirt in and found myself mumbling words that embarrass me (I never realized that my little finger has to lead the way when tucking my shirt in). And last, I pulled my gloves on and decided that was it. I'm going to have a "pinkie" day when this is all healed up and behind me. Yep, a hand massage, manicure, the works. That digit gets due recognition from here on out.

Some days I feel like the little finger on the left hand of life. Some days I feel unappreciated, invisible, insignificant, and overlooked by life. That's because during those times I'm looking to life to validate me. I'm counting on other people to tell me how important I am or how necessary my work is. It's human nature, I think, and man am I human. I have to remember that as a part of the Body of Christ, I'm significant to Him. He validates me, and He alone. The other parts of that Body can't make me whole, only my connection to Christ can do that. Although I serve a function just like all the other parts, the other parts will keep right on going even if I don't. So no big deal, right? But I think the Body as a whole works a tiny bit less efficiently if I'm not connected and working. And it works a tiny bit less efficiently if you're not connected and working, too. Together, as one whole Body, we can accomplish such amazing things. We can do what God has created us to do.

In Matthew 25 we read that the Kingdom is served when we serve he who appears to be the least among us. Just remember, that person that's so easy to dismiss could be the only mission God has for you today. As the lyrics go in Casting Crowns' song If We Are the Body:

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Don't forget, you were "them" once. Maybe you still are. Maybe none of this makes any sense at all right now. Whatever the case, try connecting somehow to the Body. Find a church that preaches the Bible and the story of Jesus Christ. Through Him, you can be validated.

And you will always be significant.

Peace,

Mike

From the Mouths of Babes (and Six-Year-Olds)

Six-year-olds are absolutely amazing. Children in general are absolutely amazing.

We go through this ritual every Saturday before we leave for worship service at church. As we're getting our coats on, my son (six years old) will almost always ask "Do we have to sit through a service?". You see, my family worships on Saturday nights because of work schedules, but I normally try to get the kids back to church on Sunday morning for Sunday School. I like to go to Sunday School. So do they. But for a six-year-old it makes things confusing. He never knows for sure if we're going for worship service, (which he's required to sit through now that he's in school) or if we're going for Sunday School.

I remember when I was six and I had to sit through a service. Granted, in the Methodist church the service is only an hour long, but that's an eternity when there's a living room full of new stuff from Christmas waiting back home. But it seems my son has found signs to look for in church. He's apparently noticed things about the sanctuary when you walk in that tell you that today's service is different.

At our church, we celebrate communion the first weekend of each month. And when you walk into the sanctuary, you can see all the elements on the altar, wrapped and covered in clean, white linens. My son, who recently received communion for the first time, now recognizes those items. Tonight, shortly after the service began, my wife leaned over to me and said "Cameron asked me when we walked in if we were having community tonight". We both giggled a little, then we refocused on the opening music. I sat there for a while thinking about that, though. He doesn't know what the word community means. It's doubtful that he could use it in a sentence. He's heard us talk about communion before. What an interesting accident that was.

The word communion has its own Webster's entry, and its definition is not limited to the ceremony we practice at church. But I rarely use it for any other reason. Even more rarely do I hear it used by others for another reason. It seems it has lost its identity as anything but the bread and the cup for me. But to substitute community instead of communion really draws my attention. How incredible is it that together, as the body of Christ, we celebrate God's offering to us, His Son. And wherever you go, it's in groups large and small, together, that this celebration is held. My son, without knowing, taught me tonight that the gift of the bread and the cup is given to me as part of a community, not just as an individual.

So let's celebrate community together. Let's see if we can find hope in that same loaf and cup on the altar that tells my son that this is truly something different.

Peace and Blessings,

Mike

Where's your resolve?

It's that time again.  Time to decide what you'll do differently this year.  Time to decide how you'll make things better for yourself, your family, your job, whatever.

The cliche that envelopes New Year's resolutions is hard to get past as I get older.  For the last couple of years I haven't even made any.  I tell myself it's silly.  I know myself well enough to know that I'll only stick with it for a couple of weeks.  Again, I find a reason to not face the things in my life that need work.  The more times I resolve to change something about myself or improve myself or eliminate a bad habit, the more times I subject myself to the possibility of failure.  And as I age, I reason that if I'm not going to succeed, I need not expend myself.  Why waste the effort?  It has become a little disheartening.

I'm sure glad that Jesus Christ felt differently than I do.  I'm sure glad that when He knew what he had to do, He just did it.  He did it all the way.  He did it knowing what it would cost Him.  He did it when everyone in His world told him no.....there's got to be another way.....

Heck, I bail out because there's a possibility of loss, pain, failure, suffering, etc.  Christ knew he would die for us and He came anyway.  He did it so that my shortcomings and failures are not what's important.  He died so that I never need to be afraid of failing again.  He died so that I don't need to make resolutions.  I'm saved by His grace even if....no,  because I'm imperfect.  That's resolution.  That's something to pay attention to.

You see, it's always seemed so right to keep trying to change everything until things fell perfectly into place.  I've got news for you, things won't.  Ever.  Not on earth.  What I'm learning to do is look at my world differently, not try to make my world look different.  I think we waste too much time trying to perfect our situations when our situations are subject to how we live and how we look at ourselves.  We just don't know how to look at ourselves as children of God.  God hasn't created me so that I can try to change Creation.  He created me to appreciate Creation.  He created me to love Him.  He created me so He could love me.

You know what?  He did the same for you.  He created you out of love, for the sake of love.  He created us because together we can accomplish more than we can alone.  He created us to be His body and His children....not so that we could go around trying to improve on what He's already done, but so that we can know that He is the Good Father.  Do you encourage your children to try to change everything you've planned for them?  Or do you want them to just be your children and appreciate that...to just know that you love them, and to just let you be the loving parent?

I will always think of things that I need to do better....respect the body that God has given me, speak more kindly, and shine brighter.  But these are not improvements.  These are things I was created to do but have chosen not to do.  These are things that I should resolve daily to do.  These are things that should become my nature, not a project or a checklist.

So let's do something together this year.  Let's agree to stop trying to find different places to make us feel happy.  Let's stop trying to change the landscape.  Let's start looking at what's already here with new eyes.  Let's let God do the creating and improving in the world and we'll watch for opportunities that He puts before us to show in practical, loving ways how awesome it is to be His child.

Happy New Year to all.  I hope Jesus Christ finds a way into your heart and life so that you may experience all that He has for you.

Peace,

Mike

Watch What You Wish For

As I sit here once again doing very little (watching some football, surfing the Internet, etc.), I can't believe how easy it is to get into the habit of doing nothing.  I also can't believe how disgusting it feels.  It feels like I an addiction.

During normal busy times I like to take a Sunday afternoon and relax a little....take advantage of a couple hours with nothing planned.  I've even found myself wishing for times like this.  But because my kids have taken turns with a nasty virus, there's been way too much idle time for me.  At first I welcomed the opportunity to watch some movies with my kids.  Play some video games together.  I thought that some extra time to just be together would be great.  And it has been.  But what I'm noticing after several consecutive days of laziness is that in spite of the physical rebellion my body has waged against me, my mind now is addicted to this state of suspended animation.  My body is sore from inactivity....it's crying out for some, any activity.  This must be what atrophy feels like.  I sit and I say to myself "I've got to get up and do something" but my mind just won't make it happen.

This has to be what happens when we sit idly on our faith.  Apathy starts to set in.  We care less about how (or if) others see God in our lives.  The longer we fail to exercise our faith, the more likely it is to start to decay.  Just like when you sit way too long doing nothing and your legs get sore, your faith can do the same thing.  It gets stiff, tight, uncomfortable.  If you're up and moving regularly to stay loose.....to stay ready.....your mind and body respond when you need them.  If you stretch your faith, feed your soul and your spirit with Godly things regularly, they're ready for action when you need them.  Have you ever noticed that if you do nothing for a long time, you start getting sleepy, tired, achy, even though you've done nothing?  When your soul gets sleepy from inactivity, sin slips in.

Have you also noticed that when you get exercise regularly you feel more rested after a short break?

Make no mistake....it's not easy.  It's a real battle to stay in it physically, mentally, and especially spiritually.  It's really hard to resist the temptation to "reward" ourselves with some extra down time.  That's not God that makes it that hard....that's the evil one.  The devil loves nothing more than to see our passions sucked out of us by......nothing.

While I know that Sabbath is very important, and that it's a very good thing to spend time with our families without an agenda dictating our schedules, I also think that it's necessary to stay engaged, to stay connected during those times.  

 It's back to work for me tomorrow, so I'll get back on somewhat of a schedule.  But it's another short work week.  There's another long weekend coming.  I know it sounds crazy, but I'm already a little concerned about that.  My prayer for myself and for everyone else this week will be that we stay engaged during our down times. 

I'd like to wish everyone a blessed 2009, and I hope that together we can keep the path clear to God's door in the months to come.  If God is new to you and you're not sure about who Jesus Christ is or how he fits in your life, please find your way to church, or at least to the Bible.  God's word is for everyone, and you might be surprised at how fitting The Word can be to whatever you're dealing with right now.

If you pray, I ask that you pray for someone that you've never prayed for before, or for someone that you're at odds with right now.  It's surprising how hard it is to be mad at someone you're praying for!

Most of all, stay engaged.....feed your faith.....stretch your spirituality a little.  You won't be disappointed with the results.

-Mike 

Whiter than snow

Merry Christmas.

It never seems like enough. I tell someone "Merry Christmas" and I feel like I should also hand them something. Everyone seems to be struggling this year, struggling to be "merry". Everyone has either faced loss this year or is very close to someone who has. What are we supposed to do?

For what it's worth, I truly believe that we are in the midst of a cleansing process. We're being forced to live without things we've never considered losing before. Our area is especially hard-hit because of the industry on which our community thrives. Unemployment in this county ranks among the worst in the country. But as I've said before, I'm hearing more and more people starting to talk about their faith and how God may fit into their life. It's not uncommon for us to seek God when we're at a low point in our lives. So maybe God has created a sort of "global valley" to see if we can make our way back to Him. I don't know.....it just really seems like we're supposed to be getting a bigger message out of all this. We sang a song in church this weekend that had a line in it that I really like: "whiter than snow, whiter than snow, wash me and I shall be whiter than I've ever known". Maybe the timing of all this is meant to knock the dirt off of us so we can be washed clean again.

...Just a thought.

Merry Christmas...and I really do mean it.

Not My Plan

It's been interesting lately to listen to people's reactions to current job and economic conditions. Many of the people I see regularly know that I'm a Christian and that I'm comfortable with God being in control of my life. Maybe that's why suddenly it seems that everyone wants to talk about God's plan. They want my opinion on God's plan for my life, as well as what I think God has planned for their life. But when I start to talk about how I think that God's plan for his people is something to be discovered in a relationship with Him, not decided over the break table, the response is usually the same: "I just wish He'd show me what I'm supposed to do about a job" or "I hope His plan includes health benefits".

I'll admit, I've wondered lately what's in store for me, too. But I keep coming back to the same thought - God's plan for my life can't possibly revolve around my job. My life has been pretty easy. In fact, I'd say it's been really easy. The biggest loss I've had to bear is my father dying when I was 37 and I wasn't ready for him to be gone. I can only describe my life until now as protected. I feel that I have been routed around all the things that could have (and in some cases should have) gone terribly wrong. As I walk with Christ my Savior, I just know that there is a fantastic purpose for my existence. And I can say with reasonable certainty that it's not so that I can simply work at my job. There will be a type of perfection that will surround something that I do in my lifetime, because it will be exactly what God wants me to do.

If you're unsure about what God's plan might be for you, I'd suggest a heartfelt prayer. God hears the prayers of His people, but be advised He's not the genie in the lamp. He doesn't grant wishes. If you pray for something specific to happen in your life, you'll need to be patient and know that even though you're sure it's in your best interest, it might not be something God deems necessary for you right now. I've started praying that He would simply prepare me for what He'll need me to do, empower me to make decisions that honor Him, and equip me and strengthen me to fend off all the things satan will send at me to distract me.

My Long Winter's Nap

I've been asleep for so long. That's what it feels like. I've been sleeping, dozing, sort of meandering through life.

This time of year always makes me look back at what I've accomplished in the last 11 months. For many years, it led to feelings of failure because I wasn't making a lot more money after a year of hard work. For the last few years, however, I find myself thinking that I spent a whole year and really didn't further God's Kingdom at all. I list all the Bible studies, Sunday School classes, community service groups, church committees and prayer chains I was involved in. But in the end, we really don't know what that amounts to, do we? For me, it makes me feel better about myself. But does that mean that the kingdom was served by my actions?

This year, I wonder to myself if that mystery isn't by design. After all, we are human, especially me. If I knew that in the last 11 1/2 months there were 19 people who would find salvation because of something I did or said....I might be inclined to take a couple months off. I'd probably give myself a "high five". Maybe I'd just sleep a little, doze a little, meander a little. You know, as a reward for all my hard work. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that my Lord knows me well enough to keep that information to himself. This way, I feel I need to keep trying.

There will always be things that make me feel that I've fallen short. That's because I have. But these "things" are not God's plan for me. I've fallen short for the same reasons that everyone else has.....because I'm human. I've fallen short because I can't make it alone. I think I've fallen short because God wants me to need him.

So I try to stay awake. I try to get others around me to stay awake....to keep me company so that we don't miss opportunities to serve Him.